"The Ron Y Chromosome Nothing Box", 26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Another Difranco, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Kitten, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Morel mushrooms, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, Rose, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Skeleton, Skull, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Uncategorized, Unconditional, Veterinarian, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

When?

How do you explain 

     Butterflies in your tummy?

Or how you just know 

     That it’s all going to be ok?

How do you accept an unexpected 

     loss which shatters your soul?

Why didn’t you know?

—–

26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Kitten, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Morel mushrooms, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, Rose, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Skeleton, Skull, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Unconditional, Veterinarian, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

Planning, Hoping & Fumes

I think that I have a friend or two who genuinely care about me and my illnesses.  I believe that I have some acquaintances who would be certain to talk to me if we were in the same place, coincidently.


Thanks to Pastor Trisha Peach, blog peacht, via Hypothyroid Mom, I caught a few of her comments to be very true for me, currently.

Like this… “It makes planning nearly impossible. Many humans take for granted that they will wake up feeling “normal”, go to work, go see friends, go to their child’s sports game – same as always. 🌅👩🏻‍🏫👩🏼‍⚕️👨🏼‍💻👩🏻‍🏫👩‍🎤👮🏻👯‍♂️

For someone battling a chronic illness, you just don’t know. Instead of “planning”, it’s more like “hoping”. You “hope” you wake up feeling ok, you “hope” you can make it through work, you “hope” you can make it through your child’s play…..and each event takes its toll on your energy and health.


You cannot predict the day before how you will feel. So the world makes plans and prepares for events and you…..”hope” to be a part of them.”

She goes on to write,  “It is not because you no longer care or because the event is not important to you or the person is not important to you. You are missing out because your body has given out.

In fact, your body may be 4 or 5 events PAST too many by the time you just give out. It’s like driving a car that is running out of gas….you lasted on fumes, but finally despite all your efforts, the fumes have run out. The gas pedal is all the way to the floor, but she’s not going any further.”


My doctor had requested some blood work from me…, which, upon return, explained a plethora of my health problems. She was speaking another language (Greek? Latin? Dr. Speak?), regardless I needed Google. And here I am. 🌎.

Meghan O’Rourke has an essay called “I had Autoimmune Disease and then it had me.”   It was printed in The New Yorker Magazine, Aug. 26, 2013.  It came up in a Google Search for Hypothyroidism.  She was speaking my language.


So, for my friends, I hope to keep our plans but I need to be full; not on fumes.

💩. I don’t even like me when I’m on fumes.  👺

26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Pets

“Whether or not you think I am, you’re right.”

Gggggggrrrrrrrrrrr

No reason to 

Yell “Booooooooo!” to all

That you do.

~

I know that today is

Going to be harsh.

My nerves are going crazy.

I’m on the edge

And there’s nothing hazy

Today.

~~

So I apologize for 

The clip in my tone,

The flip of my phone,

As I fling it across our home.

~

This is the best 

and most you will get 

From me right now.

~~

Yesterday’s physical assault 

from my own body

As well as the day before

Should have warned me 

that more is coming.

~

So I will bite my tongue

Before I regret what I

Will forget that I said 

When I let my mind off it’s rung.

26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Another Difranco, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Type A, Type B, Unconditional, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

Big Things Become Little Things 

I was born and raised in the Valley of the Sun (Phoenix, AZ).  I was never able or willing to appreciate Arizona.  It was too hot and brown.  Some say that one can fry an egg on a si…

Source: Big Things Become Little Things 

Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Attitude, Awkward, Bai, Bills, bills, bills, Brat, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Click, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Diets, Food, Gas Card, Growth, Judge & Jury, Libra, Long Distance, Love, MiniMart, Mom, My bad!, Oops!, Paid, Parents, Play nice, Respect, Scorpio, Scrutiny, Silence, Snapple, Type B

What Do Snapple, A Gas Credit Card and Bai Have In Common?

I’m a big kid now!
When I was in college, for my undergrad, my mother gave me a gas station credit card that she would pay for.  Awesome! Right?  I asked her what the catch was, she replied “Just don’t be ridiculous with it.  Deal?”  With complete understanding, I said “Deal.”  We shook on it and shortly after, she moved to Kansas.

I loved having a credit card that was being paid for by anyone but me!  Granted, it was only for gas; but still…  By the second billing cycle, my mom called me.  I answered feeling happy-go-lucky, “Hi!  How’s Kansas?”  My mother’s response wasn’t sounding as perky as she usually did.  So I asked, “Are you ok?”  

Her response was “What is Snapple?  And since when do gas stations have a grocery section?”

 
She was calm, but not in a good way.  My mind was racing.  Ok, I may have been too excited about the credit card and realized that it could get me ‘traveling food’ too.  

When I ran out of food in my dorm I would just jaunt over to the gas station.  I didn’t think that I was being ridiculous by any means.

My turn, “Ummmm, Snapples are a wonderful drink… they are usually in the refrigerator section with juices.  Why do you ask?”

“Snapples aren’t necessary for the car to run, right?”  Ouch, she was not happy.

“Hmmmmm they are for the driver.  (Uncomfortable giggle). Jeez, it’s no biggie.  When I fill up on gas, I run inside the little store and stock up on Snapples. (I admit, this is when my teenage attitude kicked in…). Am I not allowed to drink Snapple?!  It’s healthy for goodness sakes!”

Silence.

“Seriously mom, I’m in college now.  You need to realize that controlling what I eat and drink is not your job anymore.”  Boy was I dumb.

Silence.  Deep breathing and whispering one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.  Deep breath.  She was getting ready to put me and my attitude in my place.  Crap!

“I know how old you are, believe me.  Second, if you keep being a brat, I will close the credit card account.  What the hell are you buying at the gas station store?  Obviously Snapple, but what else?  Your bill is almost $200.00!”

Uh-oh.  This is not going to end well.  “Are you here?”

“Do not try to change the subject!  No, I am not ‘there’, which is probably a good thing currently.  So, back to your purchases… how much is a Snapple?”

“Ummmm, like $2.49 each.  Plus I usually get milk and munchies too, like Cheetos, gum or candy.”  My voice was shaking.  At the time I thought that I was angry and that’s why I was shaking.  Now I realize that I was scared.  She was going to kill me… a bit too over dramatic.

“Well, if you don’t stop buying stupid and unnecessary items from the gas station plan on paying for your own gas.”

I realized (finally) that she was ticked because I was, indeed, ridiculous with the card.  She wasn’t challenging my attempts at independence.  I reacted like an immature snot!  I felt bad.  I pinky promised that I wouldn’t use the card for groceries anymore.

My mom realized my misunderstanding of her argument.  We chatted awkwardly about random things; and as we were getting ready to hang up, she said “So no more extra things on the card.  Right?”

“Yep!  Oh! Hey! Can I still get Snapples though?”

Click.

Hmmmmm.  Guess not.  Major Bummer.

**Fast forward twenty years**

My mom and I both reside in N.E. MI now and we do road trips for shopping and appointments.  On one such road trip, we stopped for gas.  I went inside the store to use the restroom.  She was outside filling the car up.  On my way back to the car, I noticed my new favorite beverage in the refrigerator section.  I didn’t see her walking in.  

She stopped abruptly when she saw me looking at the juice section.  By that point I had managed to grab three or four to take to the register.  I wanted to drink one in the car… duh.

She walked up to me and asked, “What are you doing?  We need to hit the road.”

“I’m looking for my coconut water, it’s from a company called Bai.  So far I can only see the blueberry.



Of course you are… *sigh.  Seriously?  How much is it?”

“Hey, at least it’s not a Snapple!  This is $2.49.  And I’m going to get a few; we are out of them at home.  Plus, I’m buying.  Want one?”  I was going out of my way to be a bratty snot.

“Ha!  No thanks.”

I stared at her for a minute and hoped that this was funny for her like it was for me…  She looked back at me and smirked.  

Yep, it’s funny.  Phew!