"The Ron Y Chromosome Nothing Box", 26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Another Difranco, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Kitten, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Morel mushrooms, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, Rose, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Skeleton, Skull, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Uncategorized, Unconditional, Veterinarian, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

When?

How do you explain 

     Butterflies in your tummy?

Or how you just know 

     That it’s all going to be ok?

How do you accept an unexpected 

     loss which shatters your soul?

Why didn’t you know?

—–

26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Kitten, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Morel mushrooms, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, Rose, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Skeleton, Skull, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Unconditional, Veterinarian, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

Planning, Hoping & Fumes

I think that I have a friend or two who genuinely care about me and my illnesses.  I believe that I have some acquaintances who would be certain to talk to me if we were in the same place, coincidently.


Thanks to Pastor Trisha Peach, blog peacht, via Hypothyroid Mom, I caught a few of her comments to be very true for me, currently.

Like this… “It makes planning nearly impossible. Many humans take for granted that they will wake up feeling “normal”, go to work, go see friends, go to their child’s sports game – same as always. 🌅👩🏻‍🏫👩🏼‍⚕️👨🏼‍💻👩🏻‍🏫👩‍🎤👮🏻👯‍♂️

For someone battling a chronic illness, you just don’t know. Instead of “planning”, it’s more like “hoping”. You “hope” you wake up feeling ok, you “hope” you can make it through work, you “hope” you can make it through your child’s play…..and each event takes its toll on your energy and health.


You cannot predict the day before how you will feel. So the world makes plans and prepares for events and you…..”hope” to be a part of them.”

She goes on to write,  “It is not because you no longer care or because the event is not important to you or the person is not important to you. You are missing out because your body has given out.

In fact, your body may be 4 or 5 events PAST too many by the time you just give out. It’s like driving a car that is running out of gas….you lasted on fumes, but finally despite all your efforts, the fumes have run out. The gas pedal is all the way to the floor, but she’s not going any further.”


My doctor had requested some blood work from me…, which, upon return, explained a plethora of my health problems. She was speaking another language (Greek? Latin? Dr. Speak?), regardless I needed Google. And here I am. 🌎.

Meghan O’Rourke has an essay called “I had Autoimmune Disease and then it had me.”   It was printed in The New Yorker Magazine, Aug. 26, 2013.  It came up in a Google Search for Hypothyroidism.  She was speaking my language.


So, for my friends, I hope to keep our plans but I need to be full; not on fumes.

💩. I don’t even like me when I’m on fumes.  👺

26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Attitude, Awkward, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Books, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, College, Control, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Fur-ever, Future, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Learning, Life, Life changes, Light, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Mess, Minimal, Mirrors, Mom, Moon, Moving On, My bad!, Nap, Naturalist, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Unconditional, Warmth, Windows, Wow, Writing

Millennial Generation 

Millennials are the demographic cohort following Generation X. There are no precise dates for when this cohort starts or ends; demographers and researchers typically use the early 1980s as starting … Wikipedia

I am writing this because I am worried about my two nieces and one nephew the Millenniums whom I love so much.

All three are very intelligent 🤓 (their school report cards can vouch for this).  I’m not just being a “Helicopter Aunt.”   They each have some very cool hobbies: Baseball, Volleyball, Cooking, and Computer games.  Their parents are very supportive of the kids, and are happily married (since 1998).

They have unique friends and seem to be a sort of “renaissance” childhood plus adolescence.  I am so happy when I get the chance to see them 😊.  


They have been around the world, Paris, China, Hawaii, South America, Alaska, Washington DC, Florida, you name it, they’ve been there.  Their parents believe that the kids need to see the world and really understand history (as opposed to an outdated textbook).  

The one thing that is a very different for this Millennial Generation is community.  It seems that they may have 400+ “friends” online, but how many do they really know?  Everything is online.  College, Loan requests, Dating, Music, Games, Notifications, Arguments, Banking, etc.  Everyone feels safer to say whatever or be disrespectful behind their computer monitors or cellphones or ear buds.  Right?

What are my nieces and nephew really going to do if “the grid” goes down? What am I going to do?  Hmmmm.   Or if they meet and fall in love with someone they met via the latest dating app, only to find out that the person behind the profile is not who they pretend to be?  What is in the future for my darlings?  Will emotional cheating become a part of trust issues?  This even happens now!  The two individuals/profiles have never met, they just had a “friend” online and it’s none of your business as to what is discussed?  Sometimes it really is nothing, but there is always a special person that you can pour your heart out to.  Remember  You’ve Got Mail   (Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan?).   Bookstore brawl… Granted it’s not a recent film, yet it is relevant to make my point.

It’s been said that four out of ten marriages end up in divorce because of Social Media.   (Sirius/XM Satellite Radio).


What if one of my darlings gets hurt or worse because of a bad online meeting?  You hear about those every day.  Example:

  • One out of 10 sex offenders use online dating to meet other people.

  • Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. It’s OK ’cause only about 3% of online dating men are psychopaths!

  • A study found that men who reported incomes higher than $250,000 received 156% more email than those with $50,000. That’s 156% more golddiggers, guys, so think twice about whether you want to post that kind of personal info.

  • On free dating sites, at least 10% of new accounts are from scammers, says Marketdata Enterprise, Inc. Catfish, anyone?

  • In 2005 alone, 25% percent of rapists used online dating sites to find their victims. Let me repeat that: twenty-five percent of rapists used online dating sites to find their victims.

  • A matchmaking service in Denver, Colorado says that 51% percent of online dating singles are already in a relationship, yet are putting themselves out there as being single.

  • A third of those surveyed said “They falsified their information so much that it prevented them from getting a second date.”

  • In 2011 alone, the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center lodged 5,600 complaints from victims of “romance scammers” with collective  losses of over fifty million dollars.

  • Each year internet predators commit more than 16,000 abductions, 100 murders and thousands of rapes, according to InternetPredatorStatistics.com.

    (https://www.phactual.com/16-scary-statistics-of-online-dating/)

    I understand that this generation will have highs and lows that my generation can’t foresee.  As I am certain that the Baby Boomers felt about GenX and had no idea that the computer would change the world and how we manage things when everyone is a winner.

“The Millennial generation is the largest in US history and as they reach their prime working and spending years, their impact on the economy is going to be huge.

  • Millennials have come of age during a time of technological change, globalization and economic disruption. That’s given them a different set of behaviors and experiences than their parents.

  • They have been slower to marry and move out on their own, and have shown different attitudes to ownership that have helped spawn what’s being called a “sharing economy.”

  • They’re also the first generation of digital natives, and their affinity for technology helps shape how they shop. They are used to instant access to price comparisons, product information and peer reviews.

  • Finally, they are dedicated to wellness, devoting time and money to exercising and eating right. Their active lifestyle influences trends in everything from food and drink to fashion.

  • These are just some of the trends that will shape the new Millennial economy.”

(http://www.goldmansachs.com/our-thinking/pages/millennials/#thetakeaway)

With all that they will be up against in their future, I just hope that my millennial family members know how much I love them.

26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Pets

“Whether or not you think I am, you’re right.”

Gggggggrrrrrrrrrrr

No reason to 

Yell “Booooooooo!” to all

That you do.

~

I know that today is

Going to be harsh.

My nerves are going crazy.

I’m on the edge

And there’s nothing hazy

Today.

~~

So I apologize for 

The clip in my tone,

The flip of my phone,

As I fling it across our home.

~

This is the best 

and most you will get 

From me right now.

~~

Yesterday’s physical assault 

from my own body

As well as the day before

Should have warned me 

that more is coming.

~

So I will bite my tongue

Before I regret what I

Will forget that I said 

When I let my mind off it’s rung.

26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Another Difranco, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Type A, Type B, Unconditional, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

Big Things Become Little Things 

I was born and raised in the Valley of the Sun (Phoenix, AZ).  I was never able or willing to appreciate Arizona.  It was too hot and brown.  Some say that one can fry an egg on a si…

Source: Big Things Become Little Things 

Acceptance, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Beach Glass, Books, Calculating, Candy, Cleanliness, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cups, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Fur-ever, Future, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Hashimotos, Hat, Husband, Hypothyroidism, Idiosyncrasy, Learning, Life, Life changes, Light, Logic, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Mess, Mirrors, Mom, Moon, Moving On, My bad!, Nothing, Organized, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pets

I Am Here

In true avoidance of the label “Hoarder”, I have decided that being crushed to death by a bookshelf, is probably not as glamorous as the folks in Hollywood want us to think.
Imagine….  it’s late afternoon.  The dust floats on the streams of the sunlight coming in through the single window in the average sized room.  The scents of the room are mixing… vanilla, no…lavender, yes, definitely lavender.  What’s the other smell?  Books? Is that a “real” scent?

This room hasn’t been opened in quite some time.  I love this room, yet it appears neglected.  A few magazines strewn on the desk and my favorite pen is right where I left it after I signed the document -which is changing my life.

I need to box it all up and get it all organized.  The books, the wall hangings, the files and folders, the pictures.  Aaahhhhh the pictures.  So many friendly faces fill those frames.  Some include me, others were taken by me.  I think it’s the proof that we all need to feel -like we mattered in our lifetime. 

 I was here.  

See, I have pictures and phases of my life which led me through the photos on the walls.  I really have had wonderful people in my life.  Some photos feel as if we are still laughing, we were so lost in the moments, I am glad that those moments were captured.

I was there.

Other photos and certificates (also framed), contain the details of my struggles and triumphs.  

I was here.  

More proof!  Right there!  I’ll bet you didn’t know that I was on the Girl’s Varsity Diving Team in High School… for two years.  Add Varsity Dancer for four years and you’ve got my academic hours accounted for.  Until July 1989.

I was there too.

In July 1989 I was sent to Taipei, Taiwan as an exchange student through the Phoenix Sister Cities Commission.  I was one of five students who earned this privilege.  I have quite a few photos and trinkets from there.  I just about remember it all.  Most importantly, Peanut Butter and loaves of bread saved me from starvation.  I guess I just wasn’t filling up on Shark-fin Soup.  Eeeek!  
So I was there too.

A huge influence in my life was The International Order Of Jobs Daughters.  In order to qualify for membership a girl has to be eleven years old, a descendent of a Mason in good-standing and a baptized Christian.  We joined the Bethel in the early 1980’s.  As with any legitimate group, we had a ritual based meeting on the first and third Wednesday each month, incorporated Robert’s Rules of Order, elections, fair communications, a Treasurer and a Bethel Guardian with their Council.  

I went through the rungs of member positions, memorization of the ritual, and I was elected through the approval of my peer members to become their lead representative.  I can thank this entire organization for teaching me manners, how to be a friend, how to be an effective leader-teacher-student and public speaker with the Bible as my guide.  
Again, I was there.

I’ve traveled physically, emotionally, intellectually, and with a purpose to just find a way to know that I matter.   That I was there.  I was lucky enough to find my way home when I needed it the most, and still lucky enough to take on the world in my own way.  All of this is true because 

I WAS HERE.

The best part of it all is that I know I gave people a reason to smile, laugh and sigh.  I’ve experienced so much -from being a tiny part of something so much bigger, or being the leader of a start-up project.  I have proof.  

It’s in the photos, the memories, the trinkets, the books of fiction, poetry and history.  It’s in the eyes and smiles when former students see me out and about.  It’s in the love from my family- human, furry and feathered.  I hear the beauty of nature in its song or whispers on the wind.  It’s in the taste of my favorite foods and drinks. 
I WAS HERE.

I was there for each of my nieces and nephew as a sort of support person.  I am a part of a family which provided me a childhood some would envy.  Seeing things through the eyes of a newborn or helping raise a toddler, reminds me of what is taken for granted.
I felt amazed and lost.

I went to Universities with specific programs and obtained their special degrees. I have held the future in my captive audience -as a teacher.  I was good.  I was appreciated.  I had just as many up’s as downs in my career.  I was born to teach, and so I did for at least twenty years.  Given that I’m not dead yet, I’m sure I will have some more fantastic teachable moments.  So I won’t consider the door closed.

I was there.
I have had lovers and those whom I love.  The differences are known in the privacy of my heart.  I’m lucky you see.   My past lovers and loves have brought me to where I am now. My heart has been broken, regret has haunted me, freedom has offered much needed relief and I have taken a chance to fall into love all over again. My husband is my everything.

I am here.

So it’s time to organize and tidy up. I’ll still have success stories to put in frames and hang on walls which won’t ever be a barrier.  Yet I know my life is not determined by my circumstances. I have thanked God for my blessings and (even though I know better) I have cursed him while the tears and sobs overcome me.   I have found that living within a universal truth is more sacred and powerful and I am not hinged on any single religious sect.  

I was there.

Beyoncé has a song titled ” I Was Here ” (hyperlinked to YouTube for you) and when I first heard it, I wondered if I was here.

I haven’t saved a country or anything else that would earn a spot in the history books. I’ve just been here and there, up and down, lost and found, weak and wrong, tired and then triumphant. I love that I was strong enough to take chances, fail and see the humor in life. I even love that everything I have worked for can be enjoyed now.  

Yep, Queen B (Beyoncé) I am here. Maybe not in your grand way… I have my own way.

                                Sincerely,

                                Queen B2

                                 (Brande)

Acceptance, Beach Glass, Captain Obvious, Cheetos, Click, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Education, Empty, Fate, Future, Glass, Growth, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Life changes, Logic, Magnifying, Mirrors, Nothing, Organized, Overheated, Paranoid?, Past, Play nice, Present, Quirk, Rationale, Respect, Silence, Windows, Writing

Mirrors and Windows

(*Disclaimer:  I do not portend to be a glass officianto, nor am I philosophical philanthropic.)

Mirrors and windows are both glass, the exception is that the mirrors have a side which is painted and treated to produce a reflection.  Although, one can easily glance into a window and see their reflection as well.  Maybe it’s a matter of subconscious in which we see our true selves.  

Personally, I wonder …

  • Are reflections philosophical or tangible?
  • If we stare at one for too long, do we forget to look at the other?
  • Is it a shame to criticize what we refuse to see?
  • When do we accept responsibilities for what we see and ignore?
  • Is our truth the same in the reflection and the outside world?
  • Do the walls of windows allow for a glance in the past?
  • Can we learn from the reflections and clarity in the sheets of glass?

I have broken mirrors and windows -not intentionally of course (well maybe a few).   I have cleaned up the shards left behind.  I have even found joy in what I saw  -not often, yet still acknowledged.  I have found comfort behind walls of glass.  I have searched for wisdom as well.  I usually find it to be a game of strategy.  My insecurities know which level and type of glass to avoid.

Ironically, Spectacles 👓 whether single or the now traditional double are the only way that some can see anything at all!  

What about telescopes 🔭 or microscopes🔬?  Each rendered useless without their lenses.  And for the romantics, we have some beautiful beach glass strewn around the world.  There are glass pieces which date back to 1350 bce.  I am amazed!

Glass doesn’t allow me the reel to reel playback of my past.  My mind has access to that.  My connotative heart has always played a part in my future decisions.  I certainly don’t want to forget or unlearn the lessons learned; but these things are not in my mirrors or within the view my windows offer.

In my mind, I believe that the reason for not being able to see anything from my past in my mirrors or windows is because the here and now has so much to offer.


“I was alive and I waited for this/ Right here, right now/ There is no other place I want to be/ Right here, right now/ Watching the world wake up from history.”

Plus, truly, I should want live in the moment as this is the truest time of reckoning that happens when I can use all six senses to guide me. Yes, I wrote six senses, it is intentional 

Que sirrah, sirrah!  Whatever will be, will be.  The future’s not ours to see.  Que sirrah, sirrah.”