Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bare, Brat, Captain Obvious, Cleanliness, Control, Cost, Crap!, Death, Education, Empty, Fate, Future, Growth, Hashimotos, Hat, Husband, Hypothyroidism, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Mess, Mom, Moving On, My bad!, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Past, Play nice, Present, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Scorpio, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Soul, Sun, Sweat 💦, Uncategorized, Unconditional, Warmth, Windows, Wow

Flower Beds

I’ve always loved flowers.

As I have rolled myself into “adulthood”,  I have discovered that I prefer flowers in their semi-natural beds.  A lot of people, and I mean A LOT of people, in my town, are Master Gardeners. I figured that growing my own flowers would be a nice hobby.

Plus, I would have a reason to go outside and get my Vitamin D too. Win, win!

I decided to try gardening.  The key word here is try.

I now understand why gardeners threaten trespassers with their lives. The frustration and anger of one little, beautiful and helpless flower being stepped on is a legitimate defense – or at least it should be.

Dear Master Gardeners, I apologize for dancing on your Daffodils and ignoring the placement of your Irises.

Day One:  First we (me, husband, mother). had to weed and Roto-till the spaces for the separate areas for the different beds. Within ten minutes we voted and all chipped in to hire the neighbor kid to do it. He did. Whew!

Day Two:  Cover all exposed areas with black paper…. “hey neighbor!”

Day Three:  My mother came over to help me roll out pre-seeded lavender bed rolls ordered from Groupon. I supposedly had 50,000 seeds so at least one seedling had to work.

Create amazing decor for the flower beds: ummm… skip.

Maintenance: Keep checking on the Groupon guaranteed Rolls. Luckily I could look into my garden from the air conditioned living room to check on it daily.

Water: We still have our timer from Christmas lights, that will work. Or so I thought… Ok not really… my garden was flooded by; oh I’d say five days into this. We now had quicksand.

I could see the neighbor kids’ foot prints in the sand puddling with water. I simply needed to turn off the timer… Done.

It was supposed to be a very rainy week anyway.

Weeds: The weeds grew and grew. They were taller than me and had nothing to do with or about the water or lavender.

I have NOT seen even one plant of my Groupon 💯 guarantee. My neighbor kid is going to be so mad when he comes back from Boot Camp!

All involved read the directions from Groupon carefully…

My mother and I re-read the directions… no lavender.

  • <<<<<<<<<<
    hoped that there would be a “💥🌿🌱💜 Sea Of Lavender 💥 💜 🌿🌱💥 ” in my garden, and it was going to be beautiful. Alas no purple waves, no sea, no see.
      • I waited.
      • I watched.
      • I asked people who had lavender.
      • I traveled to the other side of the state, with my mother to go to a Certified Lavender Farm! http://www.lavenderhill.com.
      • I read books 📚.
      • I had it all planned!
      • Would you believe that there isn’t anything resembling lavender in their area???
      • There’s nothing!
      • What did I do wrong??

      Well… it wasn’t until I realized that I physically couldn’t do much more than trap my neighbor kid, tell him how sick I am, get him to do the hard stuff, and then flood everything while he was in boot camp; that maybe I was a bit overzealous about my new hobby.

      I couldn’t muster up the energy to be a gardener. I am just too sensitive to temperatures, brightness, bug bites, bending over and everything it takes to grow flowers purposefully.

      I had one job. One ☝️. Discover and create a beautiful garden. I failed. My husband knew how upsetting it was for me. He took me to the cute little store in Bay City and I found a bunch of fake flowers (lavender of course) to purchase and enjoy at home.

      Sometimes mental health is brushed aside when a physical task fails. I mean, who goes through the fuss and anticipation of a project wanting to be a failure? It’s a tough pill to swallow. His actions, my mom’s help and of course the neighbor kid were here working their butts off because my symptoms made me miserable while the heat only exasperated them. They did all of that in my best interest. So Thank You!

      I guess my body health (brain included) needs some more time to hopefully heal. When it will let me know; remains to be seen.

      "The Ron Y Chromosome Nothing Box", 26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Another Difranco, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Kitten, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Morel mushrooms, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, Rose, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Skeleton, Skull, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Uncategorized, Unconditional, Veterinarian, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

      When?

      How do you explain 

           Butterflies in your tummy?

      Or how you just know 

           That it’s all going to be ok?

      How do you accept an unexpected 

           loss which shatters your soul?

      Why didn’t you know?

      —–

      Acceptance, Angels, Attitude, Awkward, Calculating, Cleanliness, Click, Come to Jesus, Control, Cry, Death, Empty, Fate, Fur-ever, Future, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Me, Mess, Minimal, Mirrors, Mom, Moving On, My bad!, Nap, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Oops!, Organized, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Play nice, Present, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Scorpio, Senses, Silence, Sisters, Sneaky, Soul, Sunrises, Sunsets, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Unconditional, Warmth, Wow, Writing

      Tattoos & Trees

      True story:

      About ten years ago (+\- five years) and yet another fifteen years prior to that.  This will make sense for you, (the readership in a few moments… hang in there..  I promise.  Trust me.

      I traveled to Arizona for a visit with my grandparents, sister and mother.  It was time to find a full service, independent living, facility for my grandparents.

      The three of us toured a few facilities each day until we found our ideal space for the distinguished Patriarch and Matriarch of my mothers’ side of the family.  It took a lot of convincing to get them to see it, much less than the actual move from their condo to a facility we chose.

      It was nice.  They allowed my grandparents’ cats, furniture and even had it’s own kitchen.  The forms were signed.  Their condo was up for sale and I had to get back to Michigan.

      ~~~~~~

      Within a couple of months I got a call from my sister.  She wanted to get a Tigger tattoo and wanted my opinion.  I have a tattoo on my hip bone of Opus the Penguin.  I got it when I was seventeen, so in my sister’s mind I must remember the experience…. eh… I didn’t.  Seventeen and tattoos were common in my generation; remembering the details, not so much.

      Opus the Penguin

      I did my best to explain it to her, but jeez that was fifteen years ago.

      After many months of looking she decided to bring the multitudes of Tigger to a top three.  In this process she had found a few other ideas that would be good on me and my mother.

      She wanted all of us to get (at least one) matching tattoos.  I laughed and questioned her rationale.

      “It would be a bonding experience.”

      Uh- No.

      Within the week I was getting pictures from my sister with a very noticeable Tigger tattoo on her calf.  She even showed it to our grandmother for review.  Apparently our grandmother approved and asked questions about it -the process, design, and pain.  She and my sister often did Tigger themed things, like this cake, for instance.

      Tigger everywhere!

      The holidays had me back in AZ later that year.  I laughed every time my sister brought up the “group tattoo idea”.  However, by then, my mom had agreed to do it. My sister must have been quite convincing.   They were going on and on about yin yang symbols, turtles, paw prints, etc.  I was still holding firm on my “No.”

      I had underestimated my sister because the day after Christmas she admitted something…

      She had a plan.

      • We all had to agree on the design and body location.
      • We had to find a clean and reputable establishment that was handicapped accessible.
      • We had to go into it with a “No Regrets” mentality.

      I was still not in love with the idea or plan.  Besides, why did it have to be handicap accessible?  So I asked.

      Wait for it….

      My sister continued, “…Grandma wants to go too.  So we will just swing by her new nursing home, check her out for the day, let her go first with her tatt, get ours, and then grab something to eat, sign her back in to the nursing home without drawing attention to ourselves and Ta Dah.  No biggie!”

      “We are NOT kidnapping Grandma, tattooing her in a handicap accessible (air quotes) tattoo parlor, having a late lunch and then sneaking her back in to her nursing home without anyone noticing ‘something different’ about Grandma.”

      “Awwww c’mon.  She really wants whatever we’re having.”
      “Are you crazy?!  No!  Soooo beyond no!  We could get in serious trouble for that.  Oh My Lord. (*sigh) Did you tell mom?”

      “She liked it.”

      Of course she did.

      This dialogue continued back and forth for quite some time -months.

      ~~~~~~

      My sister stayed on this kick for awhile and is over it now (I think).  Our grandmother passed away within a few years -tattoo free.  My mother is still tattoo free.

      Part of me wonders, did my grandmother have a seventeen year old self who always wanted a tattoo, like me? What would she have chosen at seventeen?

      I don’t doubt that she entertained the idea then, or at my sister’s plan sixty years later.  I can only fathom what 1945 art was acceptable for her standards.  She was a nurse back then.  She had seen it all, and knew the human body quite well.  She would know where we could keep it hidden and respectable.

      This past Autumn, my sister, mother and I were together again and I brought up the group tattoo idea.  We thought about it, tossed around some ideas and then got back to our independently busy lives;    somehow still remaining connected.

      Maybe the next time we get the chance I can get us all to agree on a tree.  More specifically The Tree of Life.  It would be a Family Tree of Life!


      “As above, so below”

      “The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

      26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Kitten, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Morel mushrooms, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, Rose, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Skeleton, Skull, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Unconditional, Veterinarian, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

      Planning, Hoping & Fumes

      I think that I have a friend or two who genuinely care about me and my illnesses.  I believe that I have some acquaintances who would be certain to talk to me if we were in the same place, coincidently.


      Thanks to Pastor Trisha Peach, blog peacht, via Hypothyroid Mom, I caught a few of her comments to be very true for me, currently.

      Like this… “It makes planning nearly impossible. Many humans take for granted that they will wake up feeling “normal”, go to work, go see friends, go to their child’s sports game – same as always. 🌅👩🏻‍🏫👩🏼‍⚕️👨🏼‍💻👩🏻‍🏫👩‍🎤👮🏻👯‍♂️

      For someone battling a chronic illness, you just don’t know. Instead of “planning”, it’s more like “hoping”. You “hope” you wake up feeling ok, you “hope” you can make it through work, you “hope” you can make it through your child’s play…..and each event takes its toll on your energy and health.


      You cannot predict the day before how you will feel. So the world makes plans and prepares for events and you…..”hope” to be a part of them.”

      She goes on to write,  “It is not because you no longer care or because the event is not important to you or the person is not important to you. You are missing out because your body has given out.

      In fact, your body may be 4 or 5 events PAST too many by the time you just give out. It’s like driving a car that is running out of gas….you lasted on fumes, but finally despite all your efforts, the fumes have run out. The gas pedal is all the way to the floor, but she’s not going any further.”


      My doctor had requested some blood work from me…, which, upon return, explained a plethora of my health problems. She was speaking another language (Greek? Latin? Dr. Speak?), regardless I needed Google. And here I am. 🌎.

      Meghan O’Rourke has an essay called “I had Autoimmune Disease and then it had me.”   It was printed in The New Yorker Magazine, Aug. 26, 2013.  It came up in a Google Search for Hypothyroidism.  She was speaking my language.


      So, for my friends, I hope to keep our plans but I need to be full; not on fumes.

      💩. I don’t even like me when I’m on fumes.  👺

      Agree to disagree, Angels, Captain Obvious, Crap!, Darwinist, Death, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Husband, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Logic, Magnifying, Mess, Mom, Morel mushrooms, Naturalist, Not worth the headache, Organized, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Skeleton, Skull, Soul, Sun, Superstition, Trees, Type A, Type B, Warmth, Wow

      Morel’s and Murder

      Can I just say, how lovely Sunday the 22nd of April was?  The sun was out, the temperatures were in the 60-70 range.  There was even a light wind in the tops of the trees… ahhhhhhh.  My intuition whispered, “Go for a walk.”  My mom said -in her mom voice, “I am going to go with or without you.” 

      It is Morel Season, a walk outside might just render some delicious Morels.  I made sure to wear a bright pink top, mud boots and tea tree oil (bugs hate it).  My mom and I made the usual rounds up, next to my house then we went into the woods.

      You want morels, and I can help.  No, I can’t reveal my secret locations… not necessarily because I’m selfish (well, maybe partly), but because it wouldn’t be fun for you. Morel mushroom hunting is adventurous. It’s thrilling, and it’s incredibly rewarding! If you’ve ever found any on your own, you know exactly what I mean.”

      https://www.google.com/amp/s/wildfoodism.com/2015/04/02/how-to-find-and-identify-morel-mushrooms/amp/

      She didn’t find anything, but I did (golf ball).  We just kept walking around, heads down, eyes peeled for the elusive mushroom.  She managed to wiggle herself through brush almost taller than her and called for me,  “Brande!  You have got to see this!”

      “Nope.  I’m good.  I’ll keep looking under the trees.”

      “I found a skeleton!”

      “Ummmm no.”

      “It’s totally cool though….  it has human teeth!”


      Okay so I am obsessed with the television show “Bones”.  I yelled, “I get to be Bones!! You get to be Booth!!”  Through the tall grasses I went.  She was right.


      I stared at it, there were so many bones!  The head, legs, ribs, spine, mandibles and we were so excited!  We dug up as much as we could.  Tissue free, yet marrow full; it was weighing down our Morel bucket.


      Kinda creepy eh?  

      Well since I’m “Bones,” I was getting all scienc-eeee and tried naming them…. come on 7th Grade Science, don’t fail me now….  “Ooooh that’s a rib!  Or that’s back tooth…  ere go; I carried on with my Latin -Physician wanna-be tone.”  


      We decided that these bones would be way more fun than mushrooms, and walked back to the house.  We talked about our bones, potential murder (car hit?  Bow?  Rifle? Coyote lunch?). and what we were planning to do with/about them.  For instance, what will my husband say?  Hmmmmm.  (Poor guy.  It’s a good thing my mom moved in to help take care of us.)


      Upon returning, we started to lay the bones on my deck and try to put them together.  When we realized that there were a lot of leg bones we tried to decide not only where they went but what they were called.  We got to the largest leg bone.  My mom said “fibula or humurus” and I said “Thigh bone”.  We bickered over this for quite awhile.

      We continued “playing” with the bones for awhile and then went inside.  My husband asked if we found any mushrooms…  “What’s for dinner then?”  Great question.


      Our actual booty was a pretty rock, two golf balls, and a skeleton.  Not a mushroom to be seen.  Maybe tomorrow.?

      26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Pets

      “Whether or not you think I am, you’re right.”

      Gggggggrrrrrrrrrrr

      No reason to 

      Yell “Booooooooo!” to all

      That you do.

      ~

      I know that today is

      Going to be harsh.

      My nerves are going crazy.

      I’m on the edge

      And there’s nothing hazy

      Today.

      ~~

      So I apologize for 

      The clip in my tone,

      The flip of my phone,

      As I fling it across our home.

      ~

      This is the best 

      and most you will get 

      From me right now.

      ~~

      Yesterday’s physical assault 

      from my own body

      As well as the day before

      Should have warned me 

      that more is coming.

      ~

      So I will bite my tongue

      Before I regret what I

      Will forget that I said 

      When I let my mind off it’s rung.

      26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Another Difranco, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Type A, Type B, Unconditional, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

      Big Things Become Little Things 

      I was born and raised in the Valley of the Sun (Phoenix, AZ).  I was never able or willing to appreciate Arizona.  It was too hot and brown.  Some say that one can fry an egg on a si…

      Source: Big Things Become Little Things