"The Ron Y Chromosome Nothing Box", 26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Another Difranco, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Kitten, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Morel mushrooms, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, Rose, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Skeleton, Skull, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Uncategorized, Unconditional, Veterinarian, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

When?

How do you explain 

     Butterflies in your tummy?

Or how you just know 

     That it’s all going to be ok?

How do you accept an unexpected 

     loss which shatters your soul?

Why didn’t you know?

—–

26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Kitten, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Morel mushrooms, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, Rose, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Skeleton, Skull, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Unconditional, Veterinarian, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

Planning, Hoping & Fumes

I think that I have a friend or two who genuinely care about me and my illnesses.  I believe that I have some acquaintances who would be certain to talk to me if we were in the same place, coincidently.


Thanks to Pastor Trisha Peach, blog peacht, via Hypothyroid Mom, I caught a few of her comments to be very true for me, currently.

Like this… “It makes planning nearly impossible. Many humans take for granted that they will wake up feeling “normal”, go to work, go see friends, go to their child’s sports game – same as always. 🌅👩🏻‍🏫👩🏼‍⚕️👨🏼‍💻👩🏻‍🏫👩‍🎤👮🏻👯‍♂️

For someone battling a chronic illness, you just don’t know. Instead of “planning”, it’s more like “hoping”. You “hope” you wake up feeling ok, you “hope” you can make it through work, you “hope” you can make it through your child’s play…..and each event takes its toll on your energy and health.


You cannot predict the day before how you will feel. So the world makes plans and prepares for events and you…..”hope” to be a part of them.”

She goes on to write,  “It is not because you no longer care or because the event is not important to you or the person is not important to you. You are missing out because your body has given out.

In fact, your body may be 4 or 5 events PAST too many by the time you just give out. It’s like driving a car that is running out of gas….you lasted on fumes, but finally despite all your efforts, the fumes have run out. The gas pedal is all the way to the floor, but she’s not going any further.”


My doctor had requested some blood work from me…, which, upon return, explained a plethora of my health problems. She was speaking another language (Greek? Latin? Dr. Speak?), regardless I needed Google. And here I am. 🌎.

Meghan O’Rourke has an essay called “I had Autoimmune Disease and then it had me.”   It was printed in The New Yorker Magazine, Aug. 26, 2013.  It came up in a Google Search for Hypothyroidism.  She was speaking my language.


So, for my friends, I hope to keep our plans but I need to be full; not on fumes.

💩. I don’t even like me when I’m on fumes.  👺

Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gene Wilder, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Husband, Hypothyroidism, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Marriage, Me, Mess, Minimal, Mirrors, Mom, Moon, Moving On, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Paranoid?, Parents, Past

Demolished 

I demolished my basement and left it like that for about two months.  Before that, I had destroyed my bedroom by “cleaning out my closet ” and putting it all (my closet inhabitants ex: pants, tops, sweaters, leggings, shoes and glitter) in my garden tub.  That took me about three months to go through and figure out which pieces I wanted to keep.  


This current demolition even got me raised eyebrows from one of my doctors.  My husband said he didn’t mind if it took me a week or so…  Hello, March!  My doctor who raised her eyebrows at me said, “Well it’s obvious that you’re ummm, errrr, (deep breath,  sigh …) punishing  the things that you own.  How much did you give away to your various charities?”


I donated a lot.  Like, a lot-a lot.  My husband has been a good sport with the garden tub.  But the basement, not so much.  We have carpet, I swear!  It’s just, like, not visible.  

He got really frustrated when he couldn’t get to the laundry room without using a mini path I made for him.  He stepped on one of my tall black boots (often) which has a wood 3 ” heel.  


I just couldn’t bring myself to putting it back together.  Was I punishing the basement or myself?  So far I had only touched my stuff.  I wonder if my husband was worried about his own stuff.


I avoided the basement at all costs; kinda like I’m avoiding the nasty banana’s on my kitchen counter.  If I acknowledge them, then I’ll become Betty Crocker of banana bread.  Booooooooooo


It’s Sunday and I have been napping off and on all day.  One of two things needs to happen today so that I don’t feel like a loser slug.  1. Basement.  2. Banana bread.

I’m voting for oats, banana bread, no nuts. There’s only one corner left to fix in the main basement/office area.  The guest room on the other hand…. duh, duh, dunnnnnnn.

Acceptance, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Books, Car, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Crap!, Cry, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Future, Glimmer, Growth, Hashimotos, Husband, Hypothyroidism, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Life, Life changes, Lion, Long Distance, Love, Magnifying, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Nap, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Paranoid?

The Medication Metaphor 

You know how wonderful and sacred THE perfect pair of jeans feel??  There’s nothing like it!  Right?  You try to buy them all, but your credit card says, “Not a chance!”  But…


When there are so many types, fabrics, cuts, sizes, designers, that you have tried on; only to find that they aren’t right for you?

That’s like finding the perfect medication (s) for me. I’m still in the dressing room and tossing the misfits over the top of the door for the employee to put away and come back with something else. The meds should do what the perfect pair of jeans does, make me comfortable in my own skin.

~~~~~~

My current condition  is soooooooo not me. Sometimes I enjoy napping (not gonna lie), but EVERYTHING else is NOT fun.


*I have diverticulitis– this flares up whenever ???? I don’t know what all of the triggers are and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

*Migraines and constant headaches- those triggers are anything from the barometric pressure, cigarette smoke or food/drink.

*Moody– from hellion to angelic in a snap.


*Food Sensitivities– I could feel super hungry and when I sit down to eat, the smells or food make me nauseous. If I force myself to eat whatever it is, I risk the headaches, diverticulitis, vomit, or flu like symptoms.

*Hot/Cold/Hot/Cold

*Brain Fog/ Space Cadet Syndrome- I forget a lot.


*Vanity– My hair is falling out, my hands shake so much that mascara is becoming a myth. French Manicures are a thing of the past. Going out in public is quite a production -it takes so much longer.  Thus, my reclusiveness is my choice.

*Strength– Opening travel cups, Gatorade bottles or jars requires help.

*Fatigue– I get tired just riding downstate to doctor appointments.

I can sleep anywhere from 10-14 hours a day.


I’m a mess, and it doesn’t get better (according to research).

Example: last year there was a push for Hypothyroid people with Hashimoto’s to go strictly Paleo and drink green tea three times per day.

But that was last week.

All current research shows that Paleo and green tea have adverse reactions for people with Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s Disease medications.

Clearly the medical community is not focused on the disease that was discovered in 1912, then set aside, because WWI was happening began.


It’s funny, I have seen three Primary Care Professionals, who then referred me to an Endocrinologist as well as Psychologist, who then referred to an E.R., then having to be in the hospital (Mid-Michigan) for a week.

The Hospital doctors took me off of all of my medications I mean everything in April/May. Then they started new meds, to be tweaked every 6 weeks based on blood work.

It was recommended that I see my Endocrinologist as soon as I could.  After explaining all that had happened, I was referred to UofM Endocrinology Department.  Aside from the MAYO Clinic, UofM was the best!  I felt like, YES!  I’m going to get what I need (my perfect jeans -metaphor).  They have the best and are the best!

UofM said that I do indeed have everything that I have been diagnosed with (very expensive second maybe sixth opinion). They would do the same six week med trials and tweak accordingly.  (Hello bell bottoms or something else not cute or flattering and equally out of style.).

I actually asked the doctor, “That’s it?  No miracles?  No changes?  Are you sure?  Because like, what you say goes… Plus, I live four hours away!  We drove four hours for a twenty minute appointment?!”  I convinced her to do blood work and call me with the results.  I wasn’t a happy camper.  The drive home was very quiet.

Given no one has the same needs from the thyroid and endocrine system, it’s impossible to prescribe anything perfectly. So until then, I have meds to help me be “comfortable” (equivalent to yoga pants); meanwhile the other meds are supposed to be helping my thyroid (HA!).  There is no cure; therefore no single medication to give to the weak and weary, non-duty, early retirement, housewife.


I take 20 pills a day.

The seizures which started in 2015 were the indicator that I needed to start believing that I might be legitimately, internally sick…

I guess neurological symptoms are the point of no return… the seizures told my doctors that I need more attention (tests, scans, X-rays, lab work, appointment scheduling, etc ) and that if it wasn’t managed, it would get worse for me.


I’m still not sure that everything is being managed.