Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Angels, Attitude, Awkward, Bare, Books, Brat, Calculating, Captain Obvious, Click, College, Control, Cost, Cry, Education, Future, Galileo, Growth, Guns, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Life, Life changes, Light, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magnifying, Manager, Mess, Minimal, Moving On, Not worth the headache, Organized, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Pinkdom, Play nice, Present, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Room 406, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Soul, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Two Sides, Unconditional, Warmth, Windows, Wow, Writing

It’s Tough

It’s tough to watch

And I wonder

“What’s next”?

The USA Education

is a bust today.

But, can everyone

say “I did my best”?

~~~~

We know about

the original policies,

And we see the one

room school houses

The latest policies

and real academics

have no place

and have since eased,

We teach to

Standardized Tests,📝

bubbles,

number 2 pencils✏️

and a bunch of

changing rules.✅

~~~~

Teachers and staff

are forbidden

to discipline,

And yet, parents

want/ need someone to blame.

All of this is tiresome

and gets under my skin,

My mind can only see

the Federally banned novel📚

by Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (‘s)

🔥flame.🔥

~~~~

It’s not the guns,🔫

drugs💊

or violent games,🕹

It’s the kids📰

always pushing the limits

and the relentless

childish arguing🗯

for their rights

which means

calling the

“adults'” bluff.

~~~~

Therefore, empty threats,

the toys,

the distinction

and the fears

of what a child may claim

to law enforcement

and be separated

for years and years.

We all need to stand up,

learn the word “No“,

mean it,

have powerful support⚙️

and scream “Enough!”

~~~~

The USA Dept. of Education

needs a major

makeover,

Artificial Intelligence (A.I.),

Technology,

Wireless,

software,

hardware

,

upgrades

and cell…

~~~~~

However, staying out of touch,

ignoring the confrontation,

being politically correct,

loses the purpose

of the brick & mortar,

Community, safe place.

All of this

Really puts today’s students

into a decision:

real life vs. hell?

~~~~

I am aghast

at the thought

of arming school staff,

We have classes of 40+ students now.

All hyped up on sugar

and shots of caf (feine)…

I was brought up

in a different time.

Now it’s too easy to get lost

& feel contempt,

toward those who take

the class down.

This is NOT

what I went to college for.

~~~~

So this retired

Kindergarten, Grades 7-12 Teacher

implores,

With the U.S. Dept. of Education

to stop putting the future

in our past,

It doesn’t belong there.

This and those

future generations

will only

go elsewhere.

Oh!!,

And remember

that one kid

who got lost

and allowed the hate

to last?

~~~~

Won’t accept any blame.

Because it’s tough out there.

The attention and fame,

Are all sudden,

impulsive,

and wonderously

rare.

~~~~

Fifteen minutes of fame

taste oh-so-sweet.

The media’s view above

and below

cannot be beat.

The echoes of Sirens will

sound up and down

the streets.

The past

and future

finally meet.

⚡️👩🏼‍💻👨🏻‍💻 🌎🧝🏼‍♀️🧝🏽‍♂️⚡️🤼‍♂️🗽       🏰⚔️⚖️ 

"The Ron Y Chromosome Nothing Box", 26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Another Difranco, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Kitten, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Morel mushrooms, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, Rose, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Skeleton, Skull, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Uncategorized, Unconditional, Veterinarian, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

When?

How do you explain 

     Butterflies in your tummy?

Or how you just know 

     That it’s all going to be ok?

How do you accept an unexpected 

     loss which shatters your soul?

Why didn’t you know?

—–

26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Angels, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Kitten, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Lion, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Medicinal Metaphor, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Morel mushrooms, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, Rose, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Skeleton, Skull, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Two Sides, Type A, Type B, Unconditional, Veterinarian, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

Planning, Hoping & Fumes

I think that I have a friend or two who genuinely care about me and my illnesses.  I believe that I have some acquaintances who would be certain to talk to me if we were in the same place, coincidently.


Thanks to Pastor Trisha Peach, blog peacht, via Hypothyroid Mom, I caught a few of her comments to be very true for me, currently.

Like this… “It makes planning nearly impossible. Many humans take for granted that they will wake up feeling “normal”, go to work, go see friends, go to their child’s sports game – same as always. 🌅👩🏻‍🏫👩🏼‍⚕️👨🏼‍💻👩🏻‍🏫👩‍🎤👮🏻👯‍♂️

For someone battling a chronic illness, you just don’t know. Instead of “planning”, it’s more like “hoping”. You “hope” you wake up feeling ok, you “hope” you can make it through work, you “hope” you can make it through your child’s play…..and each event takes its toll on your energy and health.


You cannot predict the day before how you will feel. So the world makes plans and prepares for events and you…..”hope” to be a part of them.”

She goes on to write,  “It is not because you no longer care or because the event is not important to you or the person is not important to you. You are missing out because your body has given out.

In fact, your body may be 4 or 5 events PAST too many by the time you just give out. It’s like driving a car that is running out of gas….you lasted on fumes, but finally despite all your efforts, the fumes have run out. The gas pedal is all the way to the floor, but she’s not going any further.”


My doctor had requested some blood work from me…, which, upon return, explained a plethora of my health problems. She was speaking another language (Greek? Latin? Dr. Speak?), regardless I needed Google. And here I am. 🌎.

Meghan O’Rourke has an essay called “I had Autoimmune Disease and then it had me.”   It was printed in The New Yorker Magazine, Aug. 26, 2013.  It came up in a Google Search for Hypothyroidism.  She was speaking my language.


So, for my friends, I hope to keep our plans but I need to be full; not on fumes.

💩. I don’t even like me when I’m on fumes.  👺

Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Books, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Darwinist, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Future, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Hashimotos, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Life, Life changes, Light, Logic, Love, Magic, Marriage, Me, Mess, Minimal, Mirrors, Mom, Moon, Moving On, My bad!, Nap, Naturalist, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Perfect Pair of Jeans, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Room 406, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunrises, Sunsets, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Type A, Unconditional, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

Everybody is Dealing with Something -even if they aren’t “The Sick One”.

(Edited to reflect the life that my husband and I are currently experiencing.)

 

For me, hypothyroidism has been a cruel illness to live with, especially with all its horrible symptoms. Hypothyroidism can be hard on a marriage.

However, if you add divorce and/or maybe job loss to that, it makes it even worse – I have met a lot of people in that situation.

From the Husband’s Point-of-View:


And there is no doubt that hypothyroidism can be hard on a marriage. As a husband, you will probably hear about this illness a lot because it affects all aspects of your life and that of your wife. 
Besides, you might already be a little tired of listening to her complaints, not to mention that it might not always be interesting talking about the disease.
But don’t give up just yet, as there is hope if and when she gets the right treatment.
Let me describe some of my experiences in living with a thyroid patient.
She was sick for years before she was diagnosed.  She was the “hypochondriac of her family”, at least that’s what she was told.
As years went by, more and more symptoms became known. Not only did she gain weight, she was also sleeping a lot. 
But at the time, I didn’t know that she was actually ill – I just thought it was all part and parcel of getting older.
But she, herself, was convinced that something was wrong with her. Finally, she was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and was told that she needed medicine for the rest of her life, that she would feel well again, and that her symptoms would eventually disappear. Sadly they did not.
I didn’t really realize she was sick – I was busy.
Sure, I knew she was diagnosed and prescribed a pill -sick. But I also knew that since she was on medication, she should be alright, and so I stayed busy.
I was too busy and caught up with trying to manage both my job and almost all the housework at home like doing the dishes, preparing dinner, doing the laundry, cleaning, – all at the same time. I was too busy to really be conscious of my wife’s illness.
😴 She was sleeping all day
Of course, when I had the time I sometimes wondered why my wife was always sleeping when she came home from work. Sometimes she would sleep until the next day when she had to go to work again. 

I wondered why she suddenly seemed to have problems with her employer**– she used to be a highly valued employee who was entrusted with a lot of responsibility. She used to argue with her Boss when he tried to interfere with her work – and more often than not she’d get her way. But suddenly, all her spirit was gone.

🤔 She forgot everything
I used to wonder why she kept forgetting everything – all the time: purse, credit card, cell phone, shopping list, where she was, and where she was going. 

She gained weight, even though she was always following a serious diet. I couldn’t understand why. 
However, I did not really think much of it. Maybe it was only natural. It didn’t matter to me.  I was warned about Menopause. For all I knew, this could be Menopause.

😷 She was seeing doctors all the time.
In all this, she saw her doctor quite often and later some endocrinologist – I honestly don’t remember the details. She would often complain to me about her weight gain and about her troubles with getting back in shape. She could hardly walk, even up short stairs, without taking a break to breathe.
I listened but I didn’t really quite understand. And of course, sometimes I got a little tired of talking about the disease.  I just hoped the doctors would help her. However, they kept leaving the physical office or profession altogether, thus a lot of time was spent on “new” lab work, or another referral.  And life went on – daily life that is.
🤗 I got my wife back!  Or so I assumed.
One day she told me she had found a new doctor (again!), and that she wanted to give it another try. He apparently gave her another kind of medicine – I didn’t really understand, at the time, the difference.  I was busy.

🤓. Finally I understood
It was when I also came to realize how terrible she had been treated by her doctors, and how little, (people including me and many a doctor), had understood hypothyroidism.

🐘. I became her memory 

  • *But she still needs help and support. Hypothyroidism is chronic and if she forgets her medication, even for only a few days, the symptoms would be back. She has to take her pills three times a day.
  • *In the beginning she hated when I looked inside her pill-box and told her if she had forgotten to take some of the pills. But she learned to accept it – because if she forgets her pills – the symptoms come back and she becomes forgetful and therefore forgets to take even more pills.
  • *So I have become her memory. Every morning I ask her if she took her first pills and check that she remembers all the pills on the day before. As long as she takes her medication,  we hope it gets absorbed and I get my wife back.

What can you do?
How can you help your hypothyroid wife (or husband, relative)?

****That really depends on whether s/he is well treated or still struggling just to get diagnosed or find the right dose or treatment.  We are still struggling with different doses and triggers (food, allergies, spices, scents, texture and cravings) that knock her out.  🤷🏼‍♀️
Brande is still struggling with the symptoms and/or finding the right treatment, there are many things that have be recommended to me:

  • *Most importantly: remember that you love each other. Remember how you first fell in love. Help each other to recall those precious moments. You will need those to get through the difficult times ahead.
  • *Accept and understand her situation. It might be helpful to read about other patients’ experiences. You will realize that other patients are in the same situation and that there is hope for a normal life again.
  • *Don’t expect too much from her in daily life. You probably have to take up most of the practical work in and around the house.
  • *Don’t let her see the doctor alone. A person suffering from hypothyroidism will often find it difficult to explain her symptoms. 
  • *Be there to support her and if necessary be her advocate. Help her get the proper treatment. And if need be, help her find another doctor.
  • *Remember, there is always hope. Given the right treatment, chances are your wife may recover and be herself again.
  • *Maybe she needs help with the medication. Doses sometimes have to be regulated and adjusted. 
  • Be aware of your wife’s condition – has she changed? 

You will probably be the first to notice. 

  • Is she getting tired and forgetful again? 
  • Maybe she needs a raise in dose – talk to the doctor. 
  • Or is she restless and anxious? Maybe the dose is too high – talk to the doctor.

🌏. Life can become normal again.
When your wife is well treated, she probably will not need that much support anymore on account of her illness, except for making sure that she does take her medication which you might need to remind her.

Also, she might need your help to explain her illness to other people. Hypothyroidism is a trivialized illness and very few know anything about the consequences and extent of the disease.
😐. Accept that hypothyroidism will be part of your lives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

😳. For the full article and hyperlink to other helpful sources please refer to:
(Hypothyroidmom.com)

26 letters, Acceptance, Agree to disagree, Air Conditioner, Alice Hoffman, Angels, Another Difranco, Attitude, Autoimmune diseases, Awkward, Bai, Bare, Baseball, Beach Glass, Bills, bills, bills, Black, Books, Brat, Calculating, Candy, Captain Obvious, Car, Cheetos, Cleanliness, Click, Coke, College, Come to Jesus, Control, Cost, Crap!, Cry, Cups, Darwinist, Dean Koontz, Death, Diets, Education, Empty, Fate, Food, Football 🏈, Fur-ever, Future, Galileo, Gas Card, Gene Wilder, George Carlin, Glass, Glimmer, Growth, Guns, Hashimotos, Hat, Hot! Hot! Hot!, Husband, Hypothyroidism, I miss him, Idiosyncrasy, Judge & Jury, Learning, Libra, Life, Life changes, Light, Literary Devices, Logic, Long Distance, Love, Magic, Magnifying, Manager, Marriage, Me, Mess, Minimal, MiniMart, Mirrors, Mocha, Mom, Moon, Moving On, Mutt, My bad!, Nap, NASCAR 🏎, Naturalist, Noise Canceling Headphones, Not worth the headache, Nothing, Oops!, Organized, Overheated, Paid, Paranoid?, Parents, Past, Pepsi, Pets, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Purses, Quirk, Rationale, Relentless, Respect, Robin Williams, Room 406, SALE /not sale, Scorpio, Scott Stabille, Scrutiny, Senses, Shattered, Silence, Sisters, Snapple, Sneaky, Snow, Socks, Soul, Sun, Sunflower seeds, Sunrises, Sunsets, Superstition, Sweat 💦, Teaching, Tears 😭, Telepathy, Tradition!, Trees, Type A, Type B, Unconditional, Warmth, White, Windows, Wow, Writing

Big Things Become Little Things 

I was born and raised in the Valley of the Sun (Phoenix, AZ).  I was never able or willing to appreciate Arizona.  It was too hot and brown.  Some say that one can fry an egg on a si…

Source: Big Things Become Little Things 

Awkward, Bills, bills, bills, Books, Calculating, Cleanliness, Click, Control, Cost, Crap!, Education, Empty, Fate, Future, Growth, Learning, Life changes, Literary Devices, Logic, Mess, Moving On, Paid, Past, Pinkdom, Play nice, Playlist, Present, Quirk, Rationale, Room 406, SALE /not sale, Scrutiny, Shattered, Silence, Sneaky

More With Less! 😃

     I had been teaching for somewhere between five and ten years when WalMart started their campaign of “Do More with Less!”  It was presenting shoppers with free recipe cards and depending on the time of year, extra sales on supplies.  Hunters had a season, Teacher’s had a new beginning, and everything you could think of were to be accounted for.  Walmart was going to save the shopper so much money that they (shopper) would find the extra cash heavenly.

    And so it took off- the campaign that shifted sales and price-matched.  Folks everywhere were becoming empowered because indeed, they could do or get more for less.  Now what’s the point of this and how does it apply to me?

   Everyone in the world (maybe not the whole world, but you get my jist) knew that teachers use their own money for supplies and I was one of them.  I had been buying classroom supplies and cleaning products for as long as I could remember.  I was thankful for lower prices on spiral notebooks (ten cents each), Sharpies ($3.50 for two), erasers, markers, crayons, binders and those little zipper pouches were all the rage.

     Staples (an office supply chain) ran Teacher Appreciation Day with breakfasts each August and gave us all a Staples bag full of really fun and top of the line “stuff”. They even gave us coupons that made us so happy !  Just in case you didn’t know, one oddity that most teachers claim with vehemence is that we loveoffice supplies.  We love them so much that we horde them and hide them for ourselves or emergencies.

     There aren’t any Teacher Supply stores in this town.  Nor were there huge box stores.  We would drive two hours south to find those goodies.  Teacher’s would car pool with other teacher friends and it was always a great time.  We would even catch lunch (Olive Garden) before we made that two hour drive home.  Times were good.  We were able to do more with less.

     The years crept by and Staples no longer offered a Teacher Appreciation Day.  No bags, no cool pens,  nothing special for teachers.   Bummer.  The Walmart was still running their campaign but it wasn’t like it had been.  The quality of the school supplies had changed.  Thus teachers were breaking in to their own cabinets and closets to give each new group of kids an equally student friendly atmosphere in class that the past groups had.  Some of us were able to make it work, up until about two years ago.  

     When I saw the advertisements of “Do More With Less”, I wanted to choke someone.  The whole concept of having a bright and clean classroom was getting sun bleached and faded.  I was out of money to get all of the things that I wanted, and my closet stash was dwindling.

     Add a new plethora of high stakes test schedules with districts and on the personal/ professional development head of the teacher for evaluation purposes.  How could we possibly do more and more with less and less?  The whole school felt dreary and tense.  

     We stopped going on the two hour drives for school shopping and doing lunch.  We stopped comparing the newest plugin scent warmers.  We didn’t find any of our fun office supplies, well… fun.  The desks were covered with pencil rubbings and little eraser blobs everywhere.  Then we got the message from the state saying that we owed them 3% of our pay for the state retirement programs and health benefits.

     Our Union was fit to be tied!  There were hostile negotiations all over the place.  No one was happy anymore.  We were taking on “more duties as needed”.  This led to a group of spirit-zapped adults tied up in moving target testing and then at the end of the day, realizing we actually were disgruntled.  Deeply disgruntled. 

     We are a prideful group, no one wanted to jump ship, that was just a sign of weakness.  So we all hung on and made it through another year.  Then there was a chink in the armor, one of our own had a new job.  A better job!  We were caught somewhere between jealous and curious.  One by one, the staff was breaking into a new or different job market.  Some were sneaky, some were downright bold about it.  I was left with my jaw open and I was sad.  Where was the team?  Were we all supposed to apply elsewhere?  I love it here.  I can deal with the storm.  We will come out stronger for it.  Right?

     Administration rolled over and out for retirement.  My mind grumbling about how I was paying for their retirement now and how our school felt grimy.  We all needed the “Go get’em speech.”  We waited.  Nothing happened.  The Music and Choir programs were closed now, which meant the other elective classes were overloaded.  

     I realized that if I gave each student one minute of one-on-one time in my class, the class bell would ring and they were gone.  ONE MINUTE!  How am I supposed to be effective with the students, when I only have one minute per student?!  

     The custodian staff had been cut back and now another duty of the staff was to keep the building clean.  I didn’t mind cleaning, I felt sorry for the elective teachers.

     The zest and zeal I had for going into my classroom day after day was losing its luster.  Staff meetings weren’t fun anymore.  Heck, we hardly spoke to eachother anymore; there was so much that we needed to do now.  Ya know, “other duties as needed” was becoming a legitimate assignment for the staff.

   That’s when I started getting sick 😷.  The stress of school got me on blood pressure pills.  I even got a bout of food poisoning more than once (not from the once home cooked meals prepared by our awesome kitchen staff, but by the stuff that we had to eat) – thanks to the government.    Did the government consider that a “real” lunch or breakfast (or both) prepared by a genuinely caring staff were the only meals our students would have each day?  

     Our kids came to school hungry…  the government approved menus were full of foreign (to them) flavorless food.  Great!  Now they get to go home hungry as well.  I know I can’t function when I’m hungry, much less take tests all day and be fantastic.

     I was losing patience and avoiding the building whenever I was able.  I was starting to see the writing on the wall and my health was on a ginormous down hill slide.  

     We were good until the government used public schools a pawn in their political campaigns.  When money was cut, we bled.  The charisma, students, buildings, staff, basically everything suffered.  There were more rules, expectations and demands now.  All I wanted  in life was to teach (i.e. read difficult texts with students and then help them to decipher them, or write something that required real skill.  Write so that their voice is never lost in the world…).  The ability to communicate effectively requires the ability to decipher difficult information and respond to it respectfully.  Luckily we all have the right  to be heard and understood.  I wanted to teach everyone, everything in my realm of specialty -English /Language Arts.

     This profession will always need MORE and right now we don’t even have enough  to add it all together to measure it as less.

Do More With Less…  ha.

Acceptance, Bare, Books, Captain Obvious, Cleanliness, Control, Education, Empty, Food, Growth, Husband, Judge & Jury, Life changes, Magnifying, Mess, Moving On, Nothing, Organized, Pinkdom, Play nice, Respect, Room 406, Scrutiny, Shattered, Teaching, Type A

Type A with a side of B

I visited one of my local haunts yesterday.    It was locked up, but a friend was already inside.  He let us in and wandered around with us.  We talked about the past, the present and naturally, the future.  He expressed a genuine concern regarding my health and was quick to ask if I would be roaming around on a more regular basis.  Sadly, I shook my head and confided the purpose of stopping by.  I wanted to get my personal effects and bring it all home.

I could read his face.  He was disappointed.  He and I had been “regulars” there.  There was always something to do or organize.  This is where I profess my type A personality…  We got my room (406 to be specific) and the lump in my throat began to alert my tear ducts “It’s time.”  The custodians had packed up a lot of my things already; so at first glance it seemed bare.  It was obvious that I hadn’t been there in awhile.

I wouldn’t leave a room like that, ever.  There were empty food containers on desks, a forgotten denim jacket on the back of a chair and empty boxes strewn about.  I made my way to the front book shelves, picking up a box and some of the papers which were left on the floor and turned around.  My whole world, the one where I put in thousands of hours grading, cleaning or organizing was gone.  Poof!

My first instinct was to get started on cleaning up and putting things where they belonged (my judgement).  The Type A in me was making it’s way to the surface.  I can’t focus when the environment is not orderly.  My husband and friend stopped me and reminded me that I wasn’t supposed to be “doing” anything laborious-per my doctors.  I was just supposed to point to what was mine and they would pack it up, transport it to their vehicles and then get it home.  So I did.  They did.  We tried to keep the mood light.  They joked about my “Shakespeare Action Figure.”  I had another one for Poe.  According to the custodian, I have a lot of “dolls” and glitter and pink.

My room was once my place of respite.  The building belonged to me and Michael- if you follow the “possession is 9/10 of the law.”  for 14 years. 

Packing up 14 years of my life is not supposed to look like it did yesterday, it’s supposed to have a nice and clean entrance and exit.  

My trek yesterday was just so sad.  My heart was breaking.  I loved it all once.  The smells, sights, sounds, of the hallway were comforting.  There was nostalgia for each whimsical item in my classroom or at least a story.  I had two homes… one for 90% of my existence and the other home clean, organized and full of heirlooms, nostalgia/stories.  It’s the way I am. Period.

The doctors told me that stress is a huge factor and gets my Adrenal Fatigue all out of control.  They want me to learn how to genuinely relax and loosen up the reins on life.  Ha!

I’m supposed to drop the Type A gig and work on being a B.  Remaining Type A could & has proven to make for a very difficult existence… However,  is being Type B a liscense for being unkempt?  Do B’s care about providing a space for everyone to feel safe (especially in room 406)?  Do B’s notice the little things?  Do they react or just turn away when a rule is broken?  Are they hippies?

My garage now harbors my recently liberated personal effects from room 406.  My husband expects to have his garage back before the first snow of the season.  

I understand where he is coming from, he  doesn’t deserve to have to step over boxes and pick up things that have been strewn about.  Sound familiar?  

Right now I’m processing it all and deciding what should go where.  My Type A will get it all taken care of.  It is just me.  Period.