You know that old joke about Country Music? The one that goes “What happens when you play a Country song backwards? He gets his job back. He gets his truck back. He gets his dog back. Oh! Annnddd, he gets a contract for his songs!” Ha! Ha! Ha! Everyone laughs.
Cue tacky twang, I’ve got a good one.
(Given that it’s Christmas Eve I’ll see what Andy Williams has going on.)
It’s the worst, awfulest time of the year!
With the kids snowmobiling,
And everyone telling you,
“Watch out for deeeeeeeeer!”
It’s the worst, awfulest time of the year!
It’s the sa- saddest season of all.
With those doctor appointment calls,
And tons of blood work
Without real answers at alllllll
It’s the sa-saddest season of all.
There were dreams we were living,
Pugs and pets we were loving
Money for spending
on travels for stories of glories
With projects we’re working onnnnnn
2017 had us jumping and begging
The vet bill was crazy
My baby girl pug passed away
My dream career (not just a job) is done
Student loans are threatening
SSA-Disability is on government vacation
My eye glasses broke on a holiday weekend.
It the worst, worst 2017 of all.
Well? Is this properly pouty and pessimistic?
The thing is, I can’t cry anymore. I am So. Far. Gone. it’s pathetic! I have to laugh at each “problem” when it pops up. This makes me look crazy. And that is ok.
I still think that if everyone in the world was given a puppy and a Coke, we could sing a song and hold hands with whomever we choose and the world would be a happy place.
Or, maybe I just need a day of The Hallmark Channel with feel good shows and movies. 😬. “Jesus, take the wheel”.
Given my current situation, I decided to try to find a Physician who is informed, specialized in, and was challenge worthy of curing what ails me. I have been filling out forms galore! I went through one entire Health Park and one Internal Medicine Hospital.
Let’s see, I have traveled all over my state in the USA. The money for fuel, hotels, dinner, co-pays, prescriptions, job loss and overall mental stress is not what I am upset about. That’s just collateral damage. One’s Health is priceless. So I pushed from one end to the other of specialists, general, and …
Well, you name it, I was there. Husband in hand. Mother as a barracuda. Even a very close friend from work -all to be my “Rock”. I am always thankful to them. ❤️
My research is self-sustaining (when I don’t have brain fog, or a headache, or simply exhausted). It is also self-torture. I have gone through Social Media, Libraries and Journals.
I know a lot about Hypothyroidism. Throw some Auto Immune Disease in there too. Oops, don’t forget the Hashimoto’s Disease, Migraines, Hormonal Imbalances, Anxiety, Depression, Hopelessness, PTSD, Seizures, Food Intolerances, hair loss, Vertigo and Concussions due to falling. have had all of these symptoms/experiences in the past four years. This past year January 1, 2016 through today my “experiences” have become a million
times worse than when all of this started.
Kinda Cool Part<<<<<
ed that blood tests are not really necessary in my case, because they don’t test the cells which make up the body. The cells which make us human don’t get tested. Blood does. Thus getting a normal lab result is counter-intuitive to discovering the cause of my woes.
, I was declined by both attempts of becoming a patient of an Internal Medicine Hospital as well as the ENTIRE Health Park. Hmmmm. As Shakespeare would say, “Much Ado About Nothing”.
paign called “The Broken Brain” by Dr. Hyman. I watched the trailer, then I signed up for the free online Docu-series. There are eight episodes and over fifty doctors who attest to the information presented:
“With 1.1 BILLION lives compromised by brain issues EVERY day, I know this documentary series will provide vital new information, expert connections and most of all, hope.”
e wellness center in MA. They don’t accept insurance. They charge approximately $10,000.00 for their two days of service.
The similar wellness clinic in my state (as there are many centers across the country) also does not take insurance either.
o an article I read this evening, those involved were exasperated and out of money. You should read it. Alas, they have hope!
I like how the author states “When one doctor or specialist had tried everything in his or her repertoire, we’d move on to someone else.After enough traditional doctors couldn’t dial her health in, we eventually moved on to alternative doctors and treatments – chiropractic, acupuncture, herbal supplements, meditation, and on and on…”That’s (This is) the reality (body image, weight gain) for some women. With multiple issues and body systems affecting each other and playing off each other, it can be pretty challenging to get everything into balance.blockquote>We found that this condition involved so much more than just physiology. So many elements played into this diagnosis – it was about stress, food, lifestyle, belief systems, relationships and more.We have spent the last 20 years, and almost $300,000, diving deep into this dis-ease. <<<<<<<<<
ut my future, as well as my husband and family’s future. Watch the attached video shared from YouTube. It’s thought provoking. I may not have a cure or a new place to dig in and research, but I have hope (kinda, sorta, maybe; depends on the day).
I’ve always loved flowers.
As I have rolled myself into “adulthood”, I have discovered that I prefer flowers in their semi-natural beds. A lot of people, and I mean A LOT of people, in my town, are Master Gardeners. I figured that growing my own flowers would be a nice hobby.
Plus, I would have a reason to go outside and get my Vitamin D too. Win, win!
I decided to try gardening. The key word here is try.
I now understand why gardeners threaten trespassers with their lives. The frustration and anger of one little, beautiful and helpless flower being stepped on is a legitimate defense – or at least it should be.
Dear Master Gardeners, I apologize for dancing on your Daffodils and ignoring the placement of your Irises.
Day One: First we (me, husband, mother). had to weed and Roto-till the spaces for the separate areas for the different beds. Within ten minutes we voted and all chipped in to hire the neighbor kid to do it. He did. Whew!
Day Two: Cover all exposed areas with black paper…. “hey neighbor!”
Day Three: My mother came over to help me roll out pre-seeded lavender bed rolls ordered from Groupon. I supposedly had 50,000 seeds so at least one seedling had to work.
Create amazing decor for the flower beds: ummm… skip.
Maintenance: Keep checking on the Groupon guaranteed Rolls. Luckily I could look into my garden from the air conditioned living room to check on it daily.
Water: We still have our timer from Christmas lights, that will work. Or so I thought… Ok not really… my garden was flooded by; oh I’d say five days into this. We now had quicksand.
I could see the neighbor kids’ foot prints in the sand puddling with water. I simply needed to turn off the timer… Done.
It was supposed to be a very rainy week anyway.
Weeds: The weeds grew and grew. They were taller than me and had nothing to do with or about the water or lavender.
I have NOT seen even one plant of my Groupon 💯 guarantee. My neighbor kid is going to be so mad when he comes back from Boot Camp!
All involved read the directions from Groupon carefully…
My mother and I re-read the directions… no lavender.
Well… it wasn’t until I realized that I physically couldn’t do much more than trap my neighbor kid, tell him how sick I am, get him to do the hard stuff, and then flood everything while he was in boot camp; that maybe I was a bit overzealous about my new hobby.
I couldn’t muster up the energy to be a gardener. I am just too sensitive to temperatures, brightness, bug bites, bending over and everything it takes to grow flowers purposefully.
I had one job. One ☝️. Discover and create a beautiful garden. I failed. My husband knew how upsetting it was for me. He took me to the cute little store in Bay City and I found a bunch of fake flowers (lavender of course) to purchase and enjoy at home.
Sometimes mental health is brushed aside when a physical task fails. I mean, who goes through the fuss and anticipation of a project wanting to be a failure? It’s a tough pill to swallow. His actions, my mom’s help and of course the neighbor kid were here working their butts off because my symptoms made me miserable while the heat only exasperated them. They did all of that in my best interest. So Thank You!
I guess my body health (brain included) needs some more time to hopefully heal. When it will let me know; remains to be seen.
Yep, that’s right. My email address is getting way too many messages. Anyone else in this boat?
I’m not putting this out there for bragging about or fishing for compliments. I’m putting this out there because I am not going to read them all. Any coupons, weekly ads, going out of sale ads, or relisting of items that I was outbid on previously are going to my trash and junk.
—-UPDATE—- 112 Emails as of 1:43 pm —-
I prefer emails from family or friends. There, I said it. The biggest offenders in my inbox are WalMart and GFS. Hint*. There’s only two of us and we are not interested in 5 gallons of potato salad, nor products for infants. I know, I know, I am not the only person they send ads and emails too. But they can take me off of their lists, for like, ever-ish. (That’s a word… ever-ish. I add ish to a lot of words now. Given that American English is a living language I can make up all kinds of words -if I wanted to; alas I shall stick with ish words for the time being.)
Which brings me to my main objective in this rant… if brick and mortar stores and webstores are insisting on emailing me, I would at the very least want the information to relate to either me or my husband. I know that there are algorithms that exist for this very purpose. They’re imbedded in those fun, little, member cards.
Again, don’t get me wrong… if you are a real, human, family member or friend, I promise not to put your communications in Junk. It’s bad enough that I refuse to answer my phones anymore because of the crazy spamming going on.
It’s obvious to consumer’s that sellers are desperately trying to communicate with us all. Did they all invest in the Nigerian Prince with a great opportunity? (Haha).
Oh the list is endless at this point… Sadly so is my patience. So I shall leave you with these parting words of wisdom.
WORDS OF WISDOM BY ME:
How do you explain
Butterflies in your tummy?
Or how you just know
That it’s all going to be ok?
How do you accept an unexpected
loss which shatters your soul?
Why didn’t you know?
Every once in awhile I think it’s important to share my lessons learned with anyone who wants to save themselves from actually having to figure these things out on their own. It’s the end of July and I am fried. (July 24th – 30th 2017).
Allow me to explain.
Contrary to popular belief, North East Michigan has “Summer” like everywhere else. Sometimes it is just a temperature thing. Other times the humidity kicks in with the high temperatures. And naturally there are days of lower temperatures and high humidity. This past week was the perfect storm of high temperatures plus humidity. For me, this means ‘stay inside with the air conditioner’.
I am heat sensitive. I get nauseous and zapped of any energy I might have had prior to stepping outside. This situation will eventually become a Migraine. But that’s nothing new. I just wanted to offer some background information for you.
So, I already said it was mostly miserable outside (all week). My attempts to find some respite were genuine…
When in the vehicle I wore dark sunglasses 😎. However, it is important to remove the sunglasses when going inside a bank. Talk about awkward. Everyone gets all quiet and tense -especially if it’s not a branch you regularly use. I swear I do not have any connection to the unabomber. I just have a headache.
Next, I have found that grocery shopping and really any kind of shopping can be done in gas stations. (Although all gas stations are not created equal. The good one’s are out there!) You can get lottery tickets, cappuccino, hoodies, chips, sandwiches, booze, home decor and jewelry all in one place. So if you have forgotten something-like deodorant or phone charging cables, stop by the gas station with a store. You will be pleasantly surprised.
My husband and I have decided that driving while eating is a mess just waiting to happen. So when we were en route to the various appointments this past week, we would choose a place with a dining area. We have also determined that fast food meals cost as much as restaurant meals. Therefore we usually aim for ‘real’ food establishments. (I don’t want to get in trouble for last epiphany, you know what I mean.). If I order a chicken sandwich, I want to be able to recognize the chicken.
Inside the vehicle
The ability to determine a comfortable air temperature for two or more people is tricky. It takes skill. Moving the vents is almost always the best thing in these circumstances. It’s bad if the car is too hot/cold for all. In this case, all vents were on me. I was in heaven.
Being where we are we can tap into the local stations. What happens though when we are out of range? This is where Playlists come in. Prior to hand held devices, which play whatever you have stored in them, there were 8Tracks, Cassettes and Compact Discs. All of which were based on one band. Luckily the Playlist is usually a unique or eclectic mix of songs, podcasts, comedy or whatever. So, whomever is in charge of the music needs to be attentive to others’ likes/dislikes.
When booking a hotel ahead of time that is part of a national chain, be certain to notice which one you chose. Why there are two Red Roof Hotels within two miles of each other is beyond me. That situation is just begging for customer chaos. Threatening the desk clerk of the hotel you thought you booked, but didn’t, is unacceptable. You have to laugh off the confusion and pray that the one you didn’t book has availability and the one you accidentally booked (up the road a bit) is flexible with canceling. Otherwise driving those two miles, after finding out about the mix up, can be very uncomfortable. (I think Best Westerns do it too -have more than one in a small town.)
What to bring.
Well it was just an overnight visit so I kept it simple. At least that’s what I thought I did. I had my paperwork, meds, purse, pillow, top and skivvies. No problem. My husband asked if I had everything (my travel bag was lighter than usual). One bag packing… that was my goal. He seemed skeptical.
I was proud of myself… until approximately 90 minutes into the three hour drive. Now, when the driver is on the road with comfortable atmosphere and the passenger gasps and starts looking around the car and bag packed next to him; he goes on full alert. What did he miss???? An animal in the ditch? A speed trap by local law enforcement? Wrong direction? (These are just the things I assume he was trying to figure out… ).
I had to admit (out loud) that I forgot a ton of stuff and he rolled his eyes.
I had forgotten to pack deodorant, hair spray, pajamas, book, flat iron, shampoo, lotion, lip gloss and mascara. Good ol’ gas station store is going to save me. Well I got the deodorant, hairspray and lotion at least. I even got him a lottery ticket and a box of his favorite candy. (He didn’t share any of his candy with me. Not one bit. Hmph.).
So bring it all.
Don’t try to stuff your personal maintenance necessities into one bag. If you need two, take two. There is no shame in needing tools when being presentable. My husband was muttering “I thought it was too easy. You with one bag… should have known. Ha!”
Do not poke the bear.
I was bored. We still had to go back home. Another three – four hours in the car within twelve hours. I was getting car sick and thought that if I could focus on something else, my gag reflex would settle down. I swear my husband can read my mind. Out of the side of his mouth without even looking at me, he said, “Do not even think I will put up with your need to entertain yourself at my expense. I will pull over and leave you wherever you land.”
This past week put over 800 miles on my Explorer with my husband at the helm. The different appointments were all over the state from Ann Arbor to Hale with stops along the way. He got us everywhere safely and didn’t leave me anywhere (bonus*).
I count my blessings💫 at times like these. We have a reliable vehicle, money for gas/hotel/food, and each other. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don’t. We are comfortable together and have perhaps learned something new about each other before the day is done. 💞
The skies are blue with white clouds, the wind is in the tops of the trees, and the scent of freshly mowed grass floats through the air.
I can be found outside to absorb Vitamin D more often. I often go for drives in my 1999 Mazda Miata (top down, radio up.) singing my heart out. I can enjoy the scenery when I take my dogs on walks. I could go for bike rides with my husband. I could follow through with plans or have a summer job for extra money. But I’m not doing any of these things. I can hope that all of this will play out next summer or the summer after that. I will be ok, just not today.
I am spending this summer filling out forms. Forms? Yes, forms. Being in my condition, I have a lot to “prove” to people, I guess. I have forms for Student Loans, Social Security, Insurance Companies, Appointments to keep from each groups’ Independent Medical Reviews. My years worth of forms is not helping to remove my carbon footprint.
So if you get the chance to capture some Vitamin D, walk your dog, drive your convertible and go for bike/ horse rides, do it. Do it for everyone who can’t, right now. Enjoy the outside and stay “form-free”. Don’t pick up a writing utensil or hide behind a screen of any sort. Mind your manners. Eat full-fat ice cream … on a WAFFLE CONE!
Most of all…
Enjoy the Summer of 2017. 👒
I think that I have a friend or two who genuinely care about me and my illnesses. I believe that I have some acquaintances who would be certain to talk to me if we were in the same place, coincidently.
Like this… “It makes planning nearly impossible. Many humans take for granted that they will wake up feeling “normal”, go to work, go see friends, go to their child’s sports game – same as always. 🌅👩🏻🏫👩🏼⚕️👨🏼💻👩🏻🏫👩🎤👮🏻👯♂️
For someone battling a chronic illness, you just don’t know. Instead of “planning”, it’s more like “hoping”. You “hope” you wake up feeling ok, you “hope” you can make it through work, you “hope” you can make it through your child’s play…..and each event takes its toll on your energy and health.
She goes on to write, “It is not because you no longer care or because the event is not important to you or the person is not important to you. You are missing out because your body has given out.
In fact, your body may be 4 or 5 events PAST too many by the time you just give out. It’s like driving a car that is running out of gas….you lasted on fumes, but finally despite all your efforts, the fumes have run out. The gas pedal is all the way to the floor, but she’s not going any further.”
My doctor had requested some blood work from me…, which, upon return, explained a plethora of my health problems. She was speaking another language (Greek? Latin? Dr. Speak?), regardless I needed Google. And here I am. 🌎.
Meghan O’Rourke has an essay called “I had Autoimmune Disease and then it had me.” It was printed in The New Yorker Magazine, Aug. 26, 2013. It came up in a Google Search for Hypothyroidism. She was speaking my language.
💩. I don’t even like me when I’m on fumes. 👺
I experienced Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass through removal of a portion of the stomach (sleeve gastrectomy or biliopancreatic diversion with duodenal switch) or by resecting and re-routing the small intestine to a small stomach pouch.
I needed to be smaller than I was. I had a great job, my own apartment, a strong family, a very nice Infinity QX4. Life was grand, until I opened my mouth to eat. You see, in 2000, I was diagnosed as being morbidly obese. I think that my BMI was in the 40’s.
My last year of undergrad was interesting. I had my first real relationship, student teaching and no cash. So I ate the cheap food from gas stations, dollar stores, and CostCo. Bulk was definitely the way to go. By the year 2000, I was going to end up with diabetes and heart disease.
The gossip magazine’s were all doting on Carney Wilson of Wilson Philips. She had an “Easy surgery and the fat just melted off of her”. No pills, drinks, fad diets or exercise programs ever again. Hey I can handle that!
I got the surgery in October of 2001 -insurance companies are just so easygoing (*Sarcasm). I laid on my dad’s couch for two weeks and followed the new diets prescribed by my surgeon. (Clear liquid, regular liquids, soft solids, and then in 6 months normal food, just in very small amounts. My stomach was now the size of an egg. The pounds were indeed melting off. I ended up losing 150 lbs in less than a year.
The fact that I loved smoothies and coffee; the ideal weight loss was fairly easy to maintain. I would drink Protein shakes from the local GNC, drank the Jamba Juice’s “Mocha Moo’s” with extra protein powder, and Starbucks Caramel Macchiato. I never bothered with cooking. My idea of cooking was making a pb&j (if I really had to). I took my dog for walks, farther and farther as weeks went by.
I started going to “clubs” within the very end of my first year. It didn’t matter which génère the music was. I just wanted to dance and feel the rhythm of it all. I felt alive.
After the six months, I had a calzone (black olive, mushrooms, ham, and extra cheese). Mmmm. It was really good. I needed a whole week to finish one… but I didn’t care. Dancing on the weekends would burn off the calzone calories.
I moved out of my home state and started a new life with my (then) boyfriend, (now) husband, in a new state 2003. Alas, as I have mentioned in other posts, my new “home” was missing out on Jamba Juice chain stores and Starbucks (Coffee Shops). I went through withdrawals.
I was definitely depressed (whenever I had a craving for a Mocha Moo) . And since I’m an emotional eater, I ate. I started with the homemade food at the school, where I taught. That led to eating solid food everywhere! I even got cooking lessons with, like, a real chef person!
It was getting harder and harder to maintain the ideal weight/ BMI. This means that I was gaining the weight back. I honestly believed that the operation was to essentially banish the ability to gain weight. Yet, here I sit, knowing it is possible. Luckily I have plateaued at a number I can live with.
I often wonder if the Bariatric Surgery has/ had something to do with the Hypothyroidism, Hashimoto’s, Adrenal Fatigue, etc. that I am going through now.