~Defining Myself
{Minus Labels}
Anxious impressions,
Dreamt Strength,
Mindful goodbyes.

~Defining Myself
{Minus Labels}
Anxious impressions,
Dreamt Strength,
Mindful goodbyes.
It’s tough to watch
And I wonder
“What’s next”?
The USA Education
is a bust today.
But, can everyone
say “I did my best”?
~~~~
We know about
the original policies,
And we see the one
room school houses
The latest policies
and real academics
have no place
and have since eased,
We teach to
Standardized Tests,📝
bubbles,
number 2 pencils✏️
and a bunch of
changing rules.✅
~~~~
Teachers and staff
are forbidden
to discipline,
And yet, parents
want/ need someone to blame.
All of this is tiresome
and gets under my skin,
My mind can only see
the Federally banned novel📚
by Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (‘s)
🔥flame.🔥
~~~~
It’s not the guns,🔫
drugs💊
or violent games,🕹
It’s the kids📰
always pushing the limits
and the relentless
childish arguing🗯
for their rights
which means
calling the
“adults'” bluff.
~~~~
Therefore, empty threats,
the toys,
the distinction
and the fears
of what a child may claim
to law enforcement
and be separated
for years and years.
We all need to stand up,
learn the word “No“,
mean it,
have powerful support⚙️
and scream “Enough!”
~~~~
The USA Dept. of Education
needs a major
makeover,
Artificial Intelligence (A.I.),
Technology,
Wireless,
software,
hardware
,
upgrades
and cell…
~~~~~
However, staying out of touch,
ignoring the confrontation,
being politically correct,
loses the purpose
of the brick & mortar,
Community, safe place.
All of this
Really puts today’s students
into a decision:
real life vs. hell?
~~~~
I am aghast
at the thought
of arming school staff,
We have classes of 40+ students now.
All hyped up on sugar
and shots of caf (feine)…
I was brought up
in a different time.
Now it’s too easy to get lost
& feel contempt,
toward those who take
the class down.
This is NOT
what I went to college for.
~~~~
So this retired
Kindergarten, Grades 7-12 Teacher
implores,
With the U.S. Dept. of Education
to stop putting the future
in our past,
It doesn’t belong there.
This and those
future generations
will only
go elsewhere.
—
Oh!!,
And remember
that one kid
who got lost
and allowed the hate
to last?
~~~~
Won’t accept any blame.
Because it’s tough out there.
The attention and fame,
Are all sudden,
impulsive,
and wonderously
rare.
~~~~
Fifteen minutes of fame
taste oh-so-sweet.
The media’s view above
and below
cannot be beat.
The echoes of Sirens will
sound up and down
the streets.
The past
and future
finally meet.
⚡️👩🏼💻👨🏻💻 🌎🧝🏼♀️🧝🏽♂️⚡️🤼♂️🗽 🏰⚔️⚖️
Talk about a society that probably has everything with the use of a remote control and telephone. It is almost eerily suspicious how much the producers put into knowing what, when and how to place these advertisements. They know more about humans’ mental and emotional timing, than we do!
I know this. I know about how it all works; but dang it, that Copper Brownie Pan is quite tempting.
Obviously I don’t have any desire to own a Treadmill, Oscillating Bike, or any exercise equipment. I see too many at Garage Sales. Go figure.
Next we have the diets. South Beach Diet, Dr. Phil Healthy Living, and Bob Green’s (Oprah’s Dietitian) Guide to Better Health.
Companies will even create boxes of “Fresh Foods with recipes ” so that busy people will be able to eat “healthy” at home.
I am not a chef. I hate, hate, hate onions. Plus I’m just picky about food anyway. Give me a can of Spaghettios and some Kool-Aid; I’ll be a happy girl. Plus it only cost $5.00 at most for the entire meal.
The box meals – Blue Apron for example,
cost $35-$100 depending on the company and contract you have to include.
Send me the brownies from the copper stuff instead.
I already have the coloring books and “My Pillows”
a couple of mini-cooker thing s
copper socks, lipstick with flowers in it, a “Snuggie”
and the list goes on.
They got me.
I didn’t even know that I needed a Winnie the Pooh Chia plant!
My husband and I are on a mission! We WILL change the channel before the “Pocket Hose” stretches itself out, and the “Flex Seal” saves the boat from sinking.
It’s almost a competition now! (Okay take out the word almost…)
Cindy Crawford and her special -yet found with regular household ingredients, makeup whatever? I will use my ninja skills, grab that remote, and change the channel before your mole stares back at me!
🐾Woo Paw!🐾
Props to the Psychologists who figured out the algorithm of human shopping. Your parents must be so proud.
You know that old joke about Country Music? The one that goes “What happens when you play a Country song backwards? He gets his job back. He gets his truck back. He gets his dog back. Oh! Annnddd, he gets a contract for his songs!” Ha! Ha! Ha! Everyone laughs.
Cue tacky twang, I’ve got a good one.
(Given that it’s Christmas Eve I’ll see what Andy Williams has going on.)
Ahem.
It’s the worst, awfulest time of the year!
With the kids snowmobiling,
And everyone telling you,
“Watch out for deeeeeeeeer!”
It’s the worst, awfulest time of the year!
~
It’s the sa- saddest season of all.
With those doctor appointment calls,
And tons of blood work
Without real answers at alllllll
It’s the sa-saddest season of all.
~
There were dreams we were living,
Pugs and pets we were loving
Money for spending
on travels for stories of glories
With projects we’re working onnnnnn
~
2017 had us jumping and begging
The vet bill was crazy
My baby girl pug passed away
My dream career (not just a job) is done
Student loans are threatening
SSA-Disability is on government vacation
My eye glasses broke on a holiday weekend.
It the worst, worst 2017 of all.
Well? Is this properly pouty and pessimistic?
The thing is, I can’t cry anymore. I am So. Far. Gone. it’s pathetic! I have to laugh at each “problem” when it pops up. This makes me look crazy. And that is ok.
I still think that if everyone in the world was given a puppy and a Coke, we could sing a song and hold hands with whomever we choose and the world would be a happy place.
Or, maybe I just need a day of The Hallmark Channel with feel good shows and movies. 😬. “Jesus, take the wheel”.
As you may know, my husband and I were lucky enough to attend the Andrea Bocelli Concert in Detroit just a couple of days ago (12-3-17). It was wonderful!
I had a great time until the show was over. You see, that is when my Hashimoto’s took over my body. I lost control of my senses and was in a black out. 😡
What I remember
We were using LYFT Car Service to shuttle us to and from the concert (Strongly recommended). I messaged LYFT that we needed to be picked up.
As we were walking out of the seating area, I kept getting dizzy and losing my balance on the stairs. My husband and the Usher were very helpful. I was also starting to sweat. Mind you, by that point we were waiting near a door which was kept open and the temperature was 32*. I was only getting worse though. Then I started shaking/ trembling.
Everyone assumed it was because of the temperature, but I knew it was my body’s way of telling me to get some food and water asap. The LYFT driver was having a hard time finding us, so we walked to an area she was able to get to. I don’t remember walking 🚶♀️ anywhere. My mind was spacey.
I was leaning against a pillar outside of a parking garage. This was the only thing I could find to hold me up.
~~~~~~out~~~~~~~
When I came to, I was sitting in a chair surrounded by the Parking Attendants.
Female Attendant: “Look she’s awake!”
“Everyone check your pockets, this girl doesn’t look too great.”
~~~~~out~~~~~~~~~
“You need food don’t you? Can you talk?”
“I want you to try these raisins. Do you like raisins?”
I nodded, yes.
“Are you waiting for someone?”
I nodded, yes.
Male Attendant: “Here give her this! I have a banana and a granola bar!”
~~~~~~~~out~~~~~~~~~
Female Attendant: “It’s ok. It’s just water. Open your mouth, I’ll help ya.”
~~~~~~~~~out~~~~~~~~
Husband: “Brande! The driver is here! Where are you? Brande!”
Male Attendant: “Are you with him? Are you Brande?”
I nodded, yes.
Female Attendant: “She’s in here. She slid down that pillar and blacked out a few times.”
Male Attendant: “We gave her all that we could find: raisins, a banana, a granola bar, some peanuts & a water.”
Husband: “How long has she been like this? Oh my God thank you! I’ll get her back to our hotel and get her some food. She gets sick from her disease. Thank you!”
~~~~~~~~out~~~~~~~~
Back at the hotel and completely disoriented from the elevator, I was able to eat a panini that I purchased earlier from Starbucks.
I’m not aware of what was said or done during the black outs but I am so grateful that I was lucky enough to have some kind people who took care of me.
——————————————————————
Moral of the story:
My disease symptoms have the ability to make me dizzy, incoherent, and black out. That is scary.
I wasn’t aware of elevators causing disorientation.
I had a horrible migraine by the time it was all said and done.
My joints and bones hurt all over and I felt so weak.
I couldn’t even lean on a stationary object without losing my balance and blacking out.
None of the Hypothyroidism or Hashimoto’s Disease books/research mentioned any of these traits/issues. NONE.
I was lucky this time, but if it happens again I can’t assume that I’ll get help with the kindness of strangers.
🌸 To those who helped me at 126 W.Fisher St. Parking Garage, Detroit, MI, you were angels for me that night. Thank you! 🙏 🌸
It’s been awhile since I’ve written for you. I apologize. I’m not living the dream, I assure you. However I am always thankful for my family and friends.
I married my husband back in 2005. It was beautiful. It was a beach wedding and we pretty much wrote down our own vows and chose Lake Huron as our landscape. The officiating wedding pastors had recommended that we should look at a book of wedding quotes.
For some reason I was drawn to the word dance. So when I wrote my vows I wanted him to know that my energy and expression were going to be a dance.
A dance for life, joy, memories and even the not so good stuff. I was classically trained in Jazz and Ballet; but my dances were designed to have no script.
I hadn’t been able to find the DVD that it was on… I finally found it in a cleaning of epic proportions.
~~~~~~~~~
The past two years are perfect for the The Flight of the Bumblebee. (Rimsky-Korsakov). A whole lot of rebuilding my new normal, appointments, pokes and prods, and confusion. I sank into such a depression so fast– (quicksand really) there was nothing in my eyes, no spark, smile, or brightness. I have been empty inside and metaphorically chasing my tail.
The hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s were already physically draining; my emotional distress left me in dark rooms with dark circles under my eyes.
Needless to say, dancing wasn’t exactly on my To Do list. So what did I mean when I wrote those vows in 2005?
I believe my inspiration for dancing was from Songwriter(s): Mark D. Sanders, Tia Sillers Artist: Lee Ann Womack “I Hope You Dance”.
Song: via VEVO
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean (Lake Huron)
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances, but they’re worth takin’
Lovin’ might be a mistake, but it’s worth makin’
Don’t let some broken heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance (Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)
I hope you dance
I hope you dance (Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance (Where those years have gone?)
Written by Tia Sillers, Mark Sanders • Copyright © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group
Remember that song? It came out about 15-20 years ago. I need to dance again. I want this to be my dance. I want this to be my husband’s dance. I want to go through this life dancing with my husband. I want to dance with my family and friends.
So said, so it shall be. Forgive me if I step on your toes.
The Search:
Given my current situation, I decided to try to find a Physician who is informed, specialized in, and was challenge worthy of curing what ails me. I have been filling out forms galore! I went through one entire Health Park and one Internal Medicine Hospital.
Let’s see, I have traveled all over my state in the USA. The money for fuel, hotels, dinner, co-pays, prescriptions, job loss and overall mental stress is not what I am upset about. That’s just collateral damage. One’s Health is priceless. So I pushed from one end to the other of specialists, general, and …
Well, you name it, I was there. Husband in hand. Mother as a barracuda. Even a very close friend from work -all to be my “Rock”. I am always thankful to them. ❤️
What?
My research is self-sustaining (when I don’t have brain fog, or a headache, or simply exhausted). It is also self-torture. I have gone through Social Media, Libraries and Journals.
I know a lot about Hypothyroidism. Throw some Auto Immune Disease in there too. Oops, don’t forget the Hashimoto’s Disease, Migraines, Hormonal Imbalances, Anxiety, Depression, Hopelessness, PTSD, Seizures, Food Intolerances, hair loss, Vertigo and Concussions due to falling. have had all of these symptoms/experiences in the past four years. This past year January 1, 2016 through today my “experiences” have become a million
times worse than when all of this started.
Kinda Cool Part<<<<<
ed that blood tests are not really necessary in my case, because they don’t test the cells which make up the body. The cells which make us human don’t get tested. Blood does. Thus getting a normal lab result is counter-intuitive to discovering the cause of my woes.
Declined<<<<<
, I was declined by both attempts of becoming a patient of an Internal Medicine Hospital as well as the ENTIRE Health Park. Hmmmm. As Shakespeare would say, “Much Ado About Nothing”.
Now What?<<<<<
paign called “The Broken Brain” by Dr. Hyman. I watched the trailer, then I signed up for the free online Docu-series. There are eight episodes and over fifty doctors who attest to the information presented:
“With 1.1 BILLION lives compromised by brain issues EVERY day, I know this documentary series will provide vital new information, expert connections and most of all, hope.”
Fees<<<
e wellness center in MA. They don’t accept insurance. They charge approximately $10,000.00 for their two days of service.
The similar wellness clinic in my state (as there are many centers across the country) also does not take insurance either.
Rock Robbins<<<<<
o an article I read this evening, those involved were exasperated and out of money. You should read it. Alas, they have hope!
I like how the author states “When one doctor or specialist had tried everything in his or her repertoire, we’d move on to someone else.After enough traditional doctors couldn’t dial her health in, we eventually moved on to alternative doctors and treatments – chiropractic, acupuncture, herbal supplements, meditation, and on and on…”That’s (This is) the reality (body image, weight gain) for some women. With multiple issues and body systems affecting each other and playing off each other, it can be pretty challenging to get everything into balance.blockquote>We found that this condition involved so much more than just physiology. So many elements played into this diagnosis – it was about stress, food, lifestyle, belief systems, relationships and more.We have spent the last 20 years, and almost $300,000, diving deep into this dis-ease. <<<<<<<<<
ut my future, as well as my husband and family’s future. Watch the attached video shared from YouTube. It’s thought provoking. I may not have a cure or a new place to dig in and research, but I have hope (kinda, sorta, maybe; depends on the day).
Emails.
Yep, that’s right. My email address is getting way too many messages. Anyone else in this boat?
I’m not putting this out there for bragging about or fishing for compliments. I’m putting this out there because I am not going to read them all. Any coupons, weekly ads, going out of sale ads, or relisting of items that I was outbid on previously are going to my trash and junk.
—-UPDATE—- 112 Emails as of 1:43 pm —-
I prefer emails from family or friends. There, I said it. The biggest offenders in my inbox are WalMart and GFS. Hint*. There’s only two of us and we are not interested in 5 gallons of potato salad, nor products for infants. I know, I know, I am not the only person they send ads and emails too. But they can take me off of their lists, for like, ever-ish. (That’s a word… ever-ish. I add ish to a lot of words now. Given that American English is a living language I can make up all kinds of words -if I wanted to; alas I shall stick with ish words for the time being.)
ANYWAY
Which brings me to my main objective in this rant… if brick and mortar stores and webstores are insisting on emailing me, I would at the very least want the information to relate to either me or my husband. I know that there are algorithms that exist for this very purpose. They’re imbedded in those fun, little, member cards.
Again, don’t get me wrong… if you are a real, human, family member or friend, I promise not to put your communications in Junk. It’s bad enough that I refuse to answer my phones anymore because of the crazy spamming going on.
Honestly I am not sure about which is worse…🤔. The phone ringing incessantly or my inbox stretching itself out so much.
It’s obvious to consumer’s that sellers are desperately trying to communicate with us all. Did they all invest in the Nigerian Prince with a great opportunity? (Haha).
ATTENTION SPAMMERS:
Oh the list is endless at this point… Sadly so is my patience. So I shall leave you with these parting words of wisdom.
Ready?
WORDS OF WISDOM BY ME:
How do you explain
Butterflies in your tummy?
Or how you just know
That it’s all going to be ok?
How do you accept an unexpected
loss which shatters your soul?
Why didn’t you know?
—–
Every once in awhile I think it’s important to share my lessons learned with anyone who wants to save themselves from actually having to figure these things out on their own. It’s the end of July and I am fried. (July 24th – 30th 2017).
Allow me to explain.
Contrary to popular belief, North East Michigan has “Summer” like everywhere else. Sometimes it is just a temperature thing. Other times the humidity kicks in with the high temperatures. And naturally there are days of lower temperatures and high humidity. This past week was the perfect storm of high temperatures plus humidity. For me, this means ‘stay inside with the air conditioner’.
I am heat sensitive. I get nauseous and zapped of any energy I might have had prior to stepping outside. This situation will eventually become a Migraine. But that’s nothing new. I just wanted to offer some background information for you.
So, I already said it was mostly miserable outside (all week). My attempts to find some respite were genuine…
For example:
Sunglasses
When in the vehicle I wore dark sunglasses 😎. However, it is important to remove the sunglasses when going inside a bank. Talk about awkward. Everyone gets all quiet and tense -especially if it’s not a branch you regularly use. I swear I do not have any connection to the unabomber. I just have a headache.
~~~~~~~~
Gas Stations
Next, I have found that grocery shopping and really any kind of shopping can be done in gas stations. (Although all gas stations are not created equal. The good one’s are out there!) You can get lottery tickets, cappuccino, hoodies, chips, sandwiches, booze, home decor and jewelry all in one place. So if you have forgotten something-like deodorant or phone charging cables, stop by the gas station with a store. You will be pleasantly surprised.
~~~~~~~~
Sustenance
My husband and I have decided that driving while eating is a mess just waiting to happen. So when we were en route to the various appointments this past week, we would choose a place with a dining area. We have also determined that fast food meals cost as much as restaurant meals. Therefore we usually aim for ‘real’ food establishments. (I don’t want to get in trouble for last epiphany, you know what I mean.). If I order a chicken sandwich, I want to be able to recognize the chicken.
~~~~~~~~
Inside the vehicle
The ability to determine a comfortable air temperature for two or more people is tricky. It takes skill. Moving the vents is almost always the best thing in these circumstances. It’s bad if the car is too hot/cold for all. In this case, all vents were on me. I was in heaven.
Being where we are we can tap into the local stations. What happens though when we are out of range? This is where Playlists come in. Prior to hand held devices, which play whatever you have stored in them, there were 8Tracks, Cassettes and Compact Discs. All of which were based on one band. Luckily the Playlist is usually a unique or eclectic mix of songs, podcasts, comedy or whatever. So, whomever is in charge of the music needs to be attentive to others’ likes/dislikes.
~~~~~~~~
Hotels.
When booking a hotel ahead of time that is part of a national chain, be certain to notice which one you chose. Why there are two Red Roof Hotels within two miles of each other is beyond me. That situation is just begging for customer chaos. Threatening the desk clerk of the hotel you thought you booked, but didn’t, is unacceptable. You have to laugh off the confusion and pray that the one you didn’t book has availability and the one you accidentally booked (up the road a bit) is flexible with canceling. Otherwise driving those two miles, after finding out about the mix up, can be very uncomfortable. (I think Best Westerns do it too -have more than one in a small town.)
~~~~~~~~
What to bring.
Well it was just an overnight visit so I kept it simple. At least that’s what I thought I did. I had my paperwork, meds, purse, pillow, top and skivvies. No problem. My husband asked if I had everything (my travel bag was lighter than usual). One bag packing… that was my goal. He seemed skeptical.
I was proud of myself… until approximately 90 minutes into the three hour drive. Now, when the driver is on the road with comfortable atmosphere and the passenger gasps and starts looking around the car and bag packed next to him; he goes on full alert. What did he miss???? An animal in the ditch? A speed trap by local law enforcement? Wrong direction? (These are just the things I assume he was trying to figure out… ).
I had to admit (out loud) that I forgot a ton of stuff and he rolled his eyes.
When we stopped at the gas station within ten minutes, I was so relieved. He was too, but in a totally different way.
I had forgotten to pack deodorant, hair spray, pajamas, book, flat iron, shampoo, lotion, lip gloss and mascara. Good ol’ gas station store is going to save me. Well I got the deodorant, hairspray and lotion at least. I even got him a lottery ticket and a box of his favorite candy. (He didn’t share any of his candy with me. Not one bit. Hmph.).
~~~~~~~~~~
So bring it all.
Don’t try to stuff your personal maintenance necessities into one bag. If you need two, take two. There is no shame in needing tools when being presentable. My husband was muttering “I thought it was too easy. You with one bag… should have known. Ha!”
~~~~~~~~
Do not poke the bear.
I was bored. We still had to go back home. Another three – four hours in the car within twelve hours. I was getting car sick and thought that if I could focus on something else, my gag reflex would settle down. I swear my husband can read my mind. Out of the side of his mouth without even looking at me, he said, “Do not even think I will put up with your need to entertain yourself at my expense. I will pull over and leave you wherever you land.”
Bummer. I suppose a dud lottery ticket and box of candy only goes so far.
Nap time.
~~~~~~~~
This past week put over 800 miles on my Explorer with my husband at the helm. The different appointments were all over the state from Ann Arbor to Hale with stops along the way. He got us everywhere safely and didn’t leave me anywhere (bonus*).
I count my blessings💫 at times like these. We have a reliable vehicle, money for gas/hotel/food, and each other. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don’t. We are comfortable together and have perhaps learned something new about each other before the day is done. 💞
✨Blessed indeed.✨